As Time Stands Still
As time stands still before me,
the ocean roars, and the wind howls.
Like those who've stood the ancient times
and those who share the ancient wise.
As time stands still before me
I seek the task at hand.
Like those who've stood their ways,
and those whos spirits carry on.
As time stands still before me
the only confidence within,
seeks out an ancient truth,
seeks a freeful way.
As time stands still before me
the only wisdom within,
seeks the way of oneself,
all as time stands still...
Comments are appreciated...
Comments
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I like how this was structured. You crafted a simple image and made it powerful. Your words are chosen carefully, and woven together wonderfully too. However, I felt the repetition of "As time stands still" get boring after the three times it's said. In a song, I think it would be fine, but this didn't seem like a lyric to me. Try opening yourself up to different ways of saying it. Also, the ellipse at the end, I feel isn't needed, a simple perioud would do. Other than that, this was superb. Great job and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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Joshua Lee Rader!
Dont make me get into this again.
Both the repetition and the ellipses are used to provoke thought.
The repetition drills the message into the head of the reader. A repeated thought that is highly reflected upon.
The ellipses provoke thought by allowing the reader an open ending...to "guess" what happens next
But I still luffles you!
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a beautifully written piece. i could sense the beauty and see the picture. well done
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This is a wonderfully written piece.
The flow was effortless, and there was a picture in your words....
This is true art, true poetry.
Bravo
'D' (Scott)
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