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This Days beckoning

Clouded
Indiscretion.
opening
Visions.
blinded
Reasons.
Envisions
something wilted.
Her honesty comes;
with hugs and kisses.

sons
    of
      love,
Deserted shrugs.
Beckoning
Smoldering
Lingering

Differing
Opinions,
And
Decisions.
Leaving bruises.
shoes and laces;
wounded heart she defaces,
cant
    deny
        her
Many faces.   

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Little Brat
    September 21

    Edit | Reply

    I LIKE IT!

    I like your style even though you don't seem to think that you have one. But it's really cool. Kinda old coffe house blues kinda a style i think and screw the imagery! i think it did itself fine


  • XXXFlipperXXX
    June 17
    Edit | Reply
    hahaha seriously


  • XXXFlipperXXX
    June 17
    Edit | Reply
    This poem fucking sucks
    everytime i read it

  • XXXFlipperXXX
    June 17
    Edit | Reply
    haha I can't win.
    Thank you I totally understand where you're coming from.
    I still think my original piece was better the way i had it slanted and hitting each other and kind of bouncing off...I re-posted this without the slanting.


  • atticus snow
    June 16

    Edit | Reply
    The sloping sections worked well but what is really missing is the imagery between those two to link them together.

    The stated terms in between aren't really doing any justice for the two anticlimactic sections; both ultimate and penultimate.

    The words roll off the tongue nice, as they roll over the lines but into what? Like a head without body. This piece has a skeleton. It is sort of like a stream of ideas; cold, like a faggot ready to be built into a fire.

    Well, it caught my eye.

    • XXXFlipperXXX
      June 17
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the comment.
      I really appreciate the comment....gonna help me with my style in the future
      Thank you.


  • Draig aine gold member
    June 14
    Edit | Reply

    hmmmmmmmmmmm

    I have to agree on the slanting words being hard to read, if it is worth the effort to post it for comments, it ust be worth reformmating, I lovded the idea of this, and struggled the downhill slides,
    the close is perfect, come on, reformat the darn thing it is worth it 3 clapps even with the spacing jiggles

  • XXXFlipperXXX
    June 13
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for the comment.
    I like the slanting. i tried to have a mathematical scheme going.The original copy of this has the words slanted straight down without the letters jumping back and forth.
    its original notepad piece is straight.but when i copied and pasted it turned out like this and i got lazy and never changed it ha


  • Axel Gold
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    this was okay. but honestly, the slanted words proved to be too much for me and it really took away from everything else. the slanting was hard to read and I found it to be quite a distraction.

    I really enjoyed the last few lines, the rhyming there worked well. I would strongly urge you to re-format this.

    Axel Gold

1 - 10 of 10