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The Beast Within

Missing image
It fights me.
It sees my weakness.
I will not let it win.
I will not break.
I can't let it hurt people.
Can't let it get out,
Let it break my rule.
An It Harm None.
I believe it more than anything.
It is my backbone,
My wall.
It is the reason I exist.
This monster will not be free.
My will holds like steel.
I WILL triumph.
Welcome to my struggle.
I will Not let him escape again.

Author notes

For this contest, the topics that inspired me were 2, 7, 9.

A contest entry

Just musing.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • xxuglyducklingxx
    June 18

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    ..........

    I'm not sure how to take this. This was a GENIUS write. Apparently a topic that's a popular epidemic, I understand totally and probably more than anyone about "beasts" in general and what happens when you let them escape. The flow of the poem was perfect, it really accented your use of imabic pentameter, this was extremely expressive and also pours out overwhelming emotions of struggle and and anger and fear. Brava on another great write ^_^.

  • Talonius
    June 13

    Edit | Reply

    Very Expressive

    I like the portrayal of the struggle, I can feel the back and forth very strongly as the poem switches from the harshness and danger to the utter resolve that the beast won't escape. I think this piece would be dreary and much less interesting if it didn't have so much strength in it. By this, I mean the constant reaffirmation that you WILL triumph.

    As for suggestions.. The line 'This will will hold like steel.' sounds slightly off with the repeated word, and the ending of the poem seems to shift moods a little bit. This is just nitpicking, of course. I really like this poem.


    • Nyx Kerethas gold member
      June 13
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the comment, and the suggestion. I couldn't think of another way to put that line at the time, but probably will figure it out shortly. And I did notice the mood shift at the ending, but the lines just came to me. Probably will figure out a better way to set that up as well, after I get some fuel in me. Thanks again.