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societal blank after childhood ends

Missing image


Fed abstemious meals of knowledge,
ignorance was preferred to petrified minds.

 


Motion trauma upon the axis of souls
she used to idolize destroyed individuality
she once held in childhood dreams.


Obsolete serenity consumes;
heat of new days melt their minds
into puppets the masters now control.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 







 

Author notes

http://furtivelungs.deviantart.com/art/Sleep-Is-For-The-Weak-125695236

Word Bank: Obsolete, serenity, heat, motion, individuality, idolize, Truama, Petrified

Bonus Word: abstemious

*46 words

In a list

A contest entry

soo....whats your honest opinion?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • amaranthine lover gold member
    August 26
    Edit | Reply

    21.36 / 25

    wonderfully done darling~


  • Griswold silver member
    August 4

    Edit | Reply
    This is very nicely done with the word bank. Although i haven't got a clue what "abstemious" is and am too lazy to look it up. You should put a definition in the AN so those of us who are less erudite might know what it means. Thank you for taking the time to enter the "Fight for the Gold" contest, best of luck to you in the competition... Scott


  • superbanana
    July 29
    Edit | Reply
    I loved the imagery, very thought provoking
    Gd luck in the competition


  • Antebellum
    July 19
    Edit | Reply
    great write.
    thank you for taking the time to enter,
    good luck.


  • aeolia
    July 15

    Edit | Reply

    no.

    too forced, and this kind of writing is just everywhere. there's no spark in it that screams, "hey, i'm a poet and i have ideas!" it just says, "oh look, i have a word bank and a thesaurus."


    • Kathraina silver member
      July 15

      Edit | Reply
      Are you a judge in a contest that this piece is in, because I don't see you as a judge or co-judge, so I don't understand the "no"


      • aeolia
        July 15
        Edit | Reply
        yep, aegis of heimdel. i'm listed as eira there, but recently changed my username.


  • Vintage Chiffon
    July 15

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome job with this.
    Great description and wonderful words
    Thank you for entering & best of luck


  • redbarchettadrive gold member
    July 8
    Edit | Reply
    There's some awesome writing!


  • glazecovered
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    I felt the wording was a little forced, and I can tell from your comment that it is because you had specific words you had to use. You strung them together well. Thanks for entering.


  • DancingRed
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    Superb imagery, really. Each line adds a lot to the overall poem.

    Last line could have been worded differently, I feel. Maybe: "into puppetmasters' control" would work better.

    Thanks for entering!
    DancingRed.


  • Ami
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    Great job with the word bank I'm not too good with them but I see that you are

    Thank you so much for entering my contest,
    And Good Luck!
    -♥Amy♥


  • Kari gold member
    July 1

    Edit | Reply
    I agree with the other poets about you having a great talent here. Keep it up. You did awesome on the word bank.

    Thanks for your entry,
    Kari

  • amaranthine lover gold member
    June 28
    Edit | Reply
    Yes. I want to see where I can take this raw talent of yours.


  • adsaige
    June 23
    Edit | Reply

    Yes.

    Your writing actually reminds me of another poet I enjoy.

  • A-muse-in-writer
    June 23

    Edit | Reply

    Lol,

    Well sister, you did it again, fantastic work as always, loved every line


  • JustSimplyLissa gold member
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful use of the word bank and bonus word. Brilliantly written. And thoughtfully composed. Well done.


  • morgana raven Greeters member
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    This, was, brilliant. I mean this, it was a fantastic use of the words and wonderfully put together also! wonderfully laid out and presented. A great write through and through.
    Laura.


  • jcat gold member
    June 13
    Edit | Reply
    Hot damn!!! Perfection!! And thank you for your entry!! Excellent use of the words...


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    This is very beautifully penned. Wonderful imagery!Awesome! Thank you for your entry
    Gaylene


  • Cyanide Dreams
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful. This was a really enjoyable piece that held me throughout the entire thing. Your imagery was great and I loved the way you used the word bank. The metaphors just screamed at you. Superb emotion! Great job, and good luck in the contest.

    Josh


  • thejollytinker
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    There's no proper way to respond to this. So much emotion just throws me completely off. I like the write, I just think it's best to leave it alone. Not without saying it did touch, 'cause it did.


  • Midnite-Rae
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    This was wonderful. I'm not very fond of free verse, but you did an amazing job with it. Keep up the amazing work. I look forward to reading more of your work


  • innocence jaded.xx
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    ohhh wow. this is pure brilliance. i absolutely love how you worded this. it was undoubtedly intense and you really phrased everything well.
    good luck in that contest ! (: ♥

1 - 24 of 24