this kid
fultile and unaware
fingering his black dreads
his eyes shifting sporadically
saying i dont know what it feels like
to be in love
i smile
smug
[there's whiskey, it helps]
and merely say
if you knew,
you'd know
he breathes this in like smoke
and repeats my words
substituting pronouns
leaving me
a quadriplegic
flailing in a kiddie pool
Author notes
i know there is a lack of capitals, its just what i do, but any other thoughts are welcome...
thoughts?
Comments
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This is amazing, i like this a lot, great job, i really liked taking the time to read this, you did something great here
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Intriguing
Definitely a realatable emotion put into a one-of-a-kind poem. It's very nice. I really like the whiskey line...that raised this poem from good to great. It was impressive and not too long, and did not have ridiculous wordiness to oppress the concept. I commend you, nicely done. -
Impressive, most certainly different from my -lets say- "normal" reads, and the language is impossising a new look upon love. The meaning is almost lost at one point however you regain this again and i was...lets say captivated.
If i was to have a favourite line, it would have to be number 8 [ there's whiskey, it helps] it does cause a laugh to sing with in my spine. Nice write, keep going.
Gorecki
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