"Falling Falling
No! Flying Flying
Laughing Laughing
Not Crying Crying"
He told me once
Long ago.
It pierced my heart,
Set its fires aglow.
His sweet honey words
Afflicted my mind.
Bruised it with love,
My heart he designed.
"Falling Falling, No! Flying Flying.
Living living not Dying Dying."
Author notes
this was just a wee sonnet that i thought up. it just randomly popped into my head lol.
it sort of talks about a boy who has always told the speaker of this poem to find the positive things, or the beauty in things that are normally thought of negatively. the last one kind of refers to taking risks. some people don't take risks because of the fear of death, but the people that do take risks do it for the benifit of really living. and the guy mentioned in this is trying to say take a risk on me. and she is saying that he has left permenant marks on her, that she loves him.
also for the 600 poems thingy the prompt was the college memories..... except i havent really gone to college yet but its a memory along those lines if you get my drift.
A contest entry
- Celebrating over 600 poems! Welcome PWs! by ourgirlFriday.
900 points, ended July 17, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I was never...(round 1) prewrites by HollyLouise.
400 points, ended July 20, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This is good, but I think you could make it more powerful by expanding on your thoughts.
I like the way it reads like lyrics. The title really draws the reader in which is good. -
Very deep thoughts here...my poetry teacher/professor at WWU would have loved your work!
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This was fun...somewhat reads like a song lyric. Well done.
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thanx. i hadnt thought about it that way, but a few people have said that. =]
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Great. has a very musical flow to it.
and the title reminds me of seethers album
"finding beauty in negative spaces" -
well first, I absolutely love the title! it's what drew me into the piece to begin with.
that aside, I think the piece itself is off to a great start..I liked the repetition in the first and last stanzas, through I would suggest matching up the spacing of the lines.
in the line, "Set it's fire aglow" --> it's = its.
also, "My heart he designed." quite frankly, I do not think this line belongs. the rhyme here seems forced and I just feel like you can do better. Take a second look at it.
like I said before, I thought this piece was okay for a first draft. With a few minor revisions I think you could really make it into something wonderful!
Axel Gold
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Awesome
I liked the way u worded it.
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It is a wonderful weaving of the immages of the heart bringing the curious tone around the words..love the sketch..thanks for sharing...well done..
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wow! this is fantastic, i loved every word and i really enjoyed reading it, this is fantastic and i love the meaning behind it. Loved every word. Fantastic xxx
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