there are times when my heart doesn't reply
just hides and hurts
as your legs insist on taking you away
leaving mine abandoned
in a too empty bed
please don't go yet
wait for the sun to set
wait till i fall asleep
with an illusion of the flavour
of fresh coffee on your lips
sometimes a fire burns only for me
and my legs cross to meet loneliness
Author notes
legs...
A contest entry
- "Darling, the legs aren't beautiful, I just know what to do with them." Marlene Dietrich by estbelle.
1000 points, ended June 14, 2009, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
-
this is excellent, i love how you used the wrapping of legs. it's sad, but powerful and gets the feeling across very effectively. miss you.
-
excellent~
A poem of longing...........................Really like the lines....please don't go yet
wait for the sun to set and also this one...wait till i fall asleep
with an illusion of the flavour
of fresh coffee on your lips
Beautiful sis and congrats on the silver
Will soon try and catch up not been on the computer much due to hurting
Hope you come give my 2 new ones a read
Hugs
Your sis
Susan~~~~
-
Good write
brilliantly done. you have a way with words, turning the ordinary and the banal into special and cherished.
-
Hoodwinked
Awww, this is a sweet poem. I liked how you used the prompt. Congrats on placing silver. You been hoodwinked because someone cared about you. -
Hood-Winked!!!
Beautiful imagery that you created! "please don't go yet
wait for the sun to set
wait till i fall asleep
with an illusion of the flavour
of fresh coffee on your lips" These lines are so brilliantly created, so full of the emotional longing for someone. It makes the reader want for that someone as well. You have written a beautiful piece here, and congrats on the Silver!
-
Hood-Wink!
I liked the imagery and the way you went about expressing your ideas. My favourite part was "leaving mine abandoned in a too empty bed" because the choice of words was strong and the image was clear. Cheers
-
Hood-Winked!
This is a beautiful poem, I love the soft imagery here and the sense of quietly longing for something
I agree with Manda about the coffee-taste lines - they were my favourite well done on a well deserved trophy!
Polly
-
Hood-Wink!
Congratulations on the Silver
I can see why this won; it is powerfully moving and honest; the second is my favourite with the illusion of coffee on your lips ...
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
-
Hoodwinked!
This poem is drenched with sadness and longing. The small details add so much:
"with an illusion of the flavour
of fresh coffee on your lips"
The final two lines leave that longing in the reader's mind, a sense of preparing oneself to "meet" loneliness.
Unique and beautiful.
-
HOODWINKED!
A unique take on the prompt, filled with the bittersweet thoughts on being alone. Congrats on the silver!
-
HOODWINKED ! ! !
A nice sad take on the prompt the empty bed the lonely heart,the helplessness,and the inevitable unfullfilled hope amounts to a nice well written poem nice read ! !
....George.....
-
and your legs insist on taking you away
I loved that line. You can feel the loneliness and sadness in this, and it touched me.
Stacy
-
very very nice-I can see a person lying there and taking in all the hurt and pain without pushing or responding, yet hoping. enjoyed
-
I think this is an answer to another poem,
you know how weird my mind is Mari hehe
it is beautiful
was not expecting an entry from you, actually
and thank you for writing this piece on my contest
belle
-
I think its a very sweet poem.. somehow it doesnt feel like its underlined with a yearning.. it just feels like the 'simple' (ya, right!?) putting oneself out there in hopes that the other will reciprocate .. and understands for being able to do so!.. thoughts..
enjoyed the sweet 'askings' un-asked in your oem
-
Sometimes ever the smallest requests are impossible for the other to
meet. Tis said when that happens but such is the way of the individual
minds, each with a choice of their own...
Hugs...Eddy
-
That was an amazing opening verse!! I absolutely enjoyed it... you are such a sweet presence.
Troy
-
So many pins and needles, and we wait for their threads to be woven into the tapestry of life, sometimes so poignantly....and that fire that burns for you, but to be shared.
You touch my heart, Girl. Yes, you do...
Your threads are golden.
Karen
-
I have become an expert at that feeling actually...I am also very good at blocking out reality.
I think I may actually enter this contest. I was looking at it last night...I doubt the host will like what I wrote but since when do I care what people think?
I am well aware of the truth of those first couple lines, having been the cause once or twice back in ancient times.
Lots I could say about this poem but I'm not in a melancholy mood and would prefer not to be in one.
And since I never say it...this is good. You won't get the "This is amazing!" from me, I hope to God you don't expect it either! lol
It's good because it expresses truth without affectation (oh I could write a dissertation on that...I think I have, lol) you write what you feel, not what you want others to feel...and there is the difference...well, one difference.
The last line is particularly effective...speaking that truth while portraying it--a feeling I think most can get the grasp on.
-
sigh! this is soooo hmm bonita-all of it
-
A beautiful sense of longing here. I love the way you represented it symbolically with the legs. This is a poem that will resonate with many. Wonderfully done.
-
"time in a bottle..." an old song but the feeling I get here, that the things we wish could defy time, and simply stay with us, a mood a moment...and this poem captures that feeling when something precious slides through our fingers like sand...but also the joy of a moment...remarkable poetry, beautiful...h
-
-
Funny you mentioned the word bottle, I was talking about bottled poems with Ten
-
-
beautiful poetry that resonates with and within me, Mari. simply loved this...if only we can hold onto that "sweet presence"...sighs!
~ Nicolette
-
-
Dank je schoon meid
-
-
This is beautiful Mari...there is a sad undertone to it but yes sweet and Wow
'with an illusion of the flavour
of fresh coffee on your lips'
this line is amazing...
-
-
Thanks Anna
I like that line too, maybe the only line I like in this poem lol
I promised Belle a leg poem, and that is what I came up with. I had other kind of legs in my mind, but those are the legs that wanted to show up, the others must be hairy, need to be waxed before exposing themselves
-
-
lol
argh on those painstaking rituals...like they tell you, no pain, no gain...hairy.. sound ticklish lol -
-
ticklish, yes! But I don't want to have my legs tickling anyone else's legs (or whatever) because they are hairy...mine are hairless for the moment, went to the doctor yesterday
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 29 of 29
