Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Too Late...

With supple, velvet caresses,
soft kisses whispered
on rose-petal lips,
liquid laughter that
whirls the world,
eyes that hypnotize and
parade promises
of unpunctuated bliss,
he envelopes her
with his sincere tricks,
and snares
her freedom from within,

and she doesn’t care.

She’s mesmerized 
for now.

One day she’ll
awake, in his iron
arms,  one day
too late...

Author notes

My Name is Parveen. The prompt for this one was freedom cages.

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • mcope8050
    June 20

    Edit | Reply

    again a great write,,,

    the short lines really worked well here,,, good luck in the contest,,, judging should be soon it looks like,,, good luck and thanks for sharing you talent here,,,

  • carla michael
    June 20
    Edit | Reply
    Hi There darling & thx for rating my poems
    I liked this poem the most with imagenation.

  • Writing0Freedom
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    title 3/5
    relation to prompt 8/8
    spelling\grammar 5/5
    personal oppinion 8/20
    rythmn 7/12
    imagery 8/20
    emotion 6/10
    Diction 8/10
    Originality 7/10

    60/100

    I think this has potential, I liked the idea but I felt it need more imagery, show don't tell, and that's what made it harder for me I believe to feel the emotion. I'm on the fence about whether this will be a finalist, I"m thinking about it. If you do any edits, message me and I will for sure look at it again.

    Thanks for entering!
    WritingFree


  • AngelicGoddess
    June 19

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    this is deep, I mean really deep.

    I Love your wording,
    and I've been here.
    Been here alot,
    and I know how it is.
    It does become to late, and you can't seem to get out of that state of mind.

    Amaing write, and great writer, keep it up!

  • arnal
    June 16

    Edit | Reply
    One of those relationships where finds out to late that this may not be for them, nice write,enjoyed


  • Concrete Angel silver member
    June 15
    Edit | Reply
    Awww! It didn't add my applause! there...

  • Concrete Angel silver member
    June 15

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wonderful this gave me the feeling of someone who's trapped in love. She wants to escape from his trickery and lies, but she wants to stay for the love he shows. Fantasticly done! Good luck in the contest! This is a great one


  • TheJaedenBeast
    June 14

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    I can clearly picture everything you're writing. Very strong, though-provoking images are abound in this piece. I like it very much, and I hope you wake up before it's too late.


  • XxXNoxiousRoseXxX
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    This was wonderful. I could see and feel all of it happening in my mind. Only thing I would do it correct the punctuation... It's all a big run-on sentence.

    • aniqua
      June 15
      Edit | Reply
      I edited it for punctuation. Thanks for the input


  • ParadoxicalMetaphor
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    i love how you trapped her. she thinks she's safe, until she realizes that what she was trying to be safe from was what she held on to in the first place.

    you have some great potential! can't wait to read more!


  • Bunny luv26
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this! It flows beautifully and really paints a picture of emotion. I have no suggestion for change but I look forward to reading more of your work!

1 - 18 of 18