Don't Desert Me Again

staring at your picture
i think of the love we have
i remember your warmth
and i smile for the joy it brings

looking at how happy i am
with you
i appreciate our love

i see us as we kiss and it lifts my heart
my bleakness of this morning fading
realizing how lucky i am to have you

i love you

then my phone rings
it's you
i see your picture and name on the caller id
butterflies run through my chest
relief to finally hear your voice

but what you tell me tears me apart
a misunderstanding
turned to a permanent mistake

i've lost you

all because i thought you'd meant something else
i agreed to what i didn't know
i made a sacrifice for you
and you didn't even know it
i try to explain but you won't listen
you don't believe me
you don't trust me

i try to tell you what's in my heart
but you don't hear it
and i break again
having lost two friends in one day
one of whom is my only true love
you

i try to keep calm for appearance's sake
but the tears don't want to stop

i can't eat
i can't think
i can't breathe

how can you leave me alone so easily?
feeling rejected and broken
i look at our picture
my arms around your neck
"i love you" written at the top
and i wonder if you truely do

my word isn't good enough
and you refuse to be here when i need you most
you say it's too stressful for you

but what about me?

i need you
your love is all that's been keeping me strong
take it away and i fall apart
i've already started
my heart shattered the moment you told me

how can i truely believe in your love
if you leave every time it gets rough?
every road has rocks
and when you leave me standing in the middle
alone
i get lost

you are my compass

my ship has stopped for my wind is gone

i woke up today
thinking it'll be okay
that i'll talk to you, my love, and smile
though i was confused why you didn't respond
when i told you i love you

now i know

i was wrong when i thought we'd be okay
i was wrong to think you loved me enough
to see me through
because you've just told me you don't

you don't want to be strong for me
you won't be mine
you refuse to be my pillar to lean on

you're gone

you've left me
and i've begged but i can't get you back

but i'm still begging
i'm pleading from the bottom of my heart
don't go
stay with me
don't hurt me like this
take the knife out of my back
for it stabbed my heart too
remove the arrows and heal me
you've hurt me beyond belief today
again

but i love you too much to let you go
the relief i felt last night gave me peace
i was comforted in the knowledge that you'd never leave me
that you'd deal with whatever may come
but then you corrected me

you are leaving
and i can't believe me ears
as i sink in shock and pain to the floor
and my heart melts away to nothing

i've repaired it so many times for you
pulled myself back up
for you
instead of shutting you out or giving up
but i can't do it again
my strength is gone
you took the last of it when you deserted me

the next move is on you

will you reach out to me and repair what you've broken?
will you please come back and give me your love?
i don't want a piece of your heart
i want it all
will you love me that deeply?

...before there's nothing left to love..?

until then my soul screams it's dispair
and my spirit fades
the mirrored splinters of my shattered broken heart
dripping blood
as my life slowly drains away