Going on Pass

So excited
Level 3/3
Allowed to be taken
I can leave for a while
Mom picks me up
Let’s go shopping
Test your strength
Ok…
Ginormous mall
Northgate in Seattle
I can do this
Don’t look at the manikins
Jean shopping
Oh shit
The constant reminder
Nothing fits right
I’m too fat to shop
I can’t do this
Breath is short
Tears fall
Hands fidgety
Panic
Breath cj
Coping skills or whatever right?
Breath cj
I can do this
Buy the damn jeans
Please my mother
She’s been through enough
Breath cj
But now the tape is playing
“Your ugly, fat, worthless”
“You disgusting pig”
“Your friends would be better without you”
“Look at what your doing to everyone”
The tape goes on
Playing in my head
Never been so happy
To get back to the hospital
My colorful prison
Now my safe retreat
I can’t go home
Let me stay here
Please…