Those Days

Everynight I sit alone in silence.
I have time on my hands that reminds me of those days.
Oh those days.

I feel like I can never look in a mirror again
Because of those days.

I feel the tears begin to fall
Even though I want to I can not erase it all.

The memories of the pain
The fear

Even though it's been years.

I keep looking down at my stomache
And I wish that I had something better to feel

But all I feel is fear
And all these damn tears.

I was just coming home from school
Like I was suppose to.

I didn't know that those days were
Going to scar my life forever.

Why?
Can someone please tell me why he did this?

I was only eleven and I didn't even truly know what was going on.
All I knew was that it hurt
I tried to get away but I couldn't without getting  cut.

A few months later my stomache got bigger
And I didn't know what to do.

I didn't know that at the time it didn't matter.
He got his friends and made sure I never
Would know what it would be like to be a mother.

Within the first few minutes I knew it was gone.
But when my parents took me to the doctors to confirm it
That when my tears truly came to fall.

And now almost nine years later I still feel that pain.
As I look around at children playing
And new born babies sleeping
I always want to cry.

And I definatly can't feel safe around a guy.

So everynight I sit alone in silence.
Remembering those days.

Oh how I hated those days.