summer sun time, her fair skin and
red bright, hair shaking with laughter (I
loved the )
her oxygen slowly left, and
her body deflated. withered and white,
she left earthless. heartless: no
love, no sorrow. I dream of pain.
more words and the angry animal cry.
past sanity, connected by losing.
the sad waiting-time.
compressed moments and the clock
spins like a pin-wheel. traveling.
passage between lives I remember
too easily. futures approach, but I
drag
in sorrow, in respect, in fear.
Author notes
A friend of mine passed away from skin cancer last month...
made some edits, let me know 
thoughts?
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
-
Very Good
the clock
spins like a pin-wheel. traveling.
passage between lives I remember
too easily. futures approach, but I
drag
in sorrow, in respect, in fear.
Great ending for this heart felt verse
I think you expressed the anguish well
It is so hard to watch, and let go
Your Authors Notes helped
Rick
-
sorta ill give you a 8/10.
-
unique
So sad. But I love the way you said it. I felt it. -
You wrote that poem with so much from your heart, i thought it was wonderfull. Such good work.
-
-
The time is silence is over by Kevin
I just want to say thank you, and want to know if there was anything i could of done to make it better. And i like your poetry too.
-
-
This is sweet in a different kind of way...
-
this is really good
-
this is an amazing poem! I am definitely going to have to read more of your stuff!
"her oxygen slowly left, and
her body deflated. withered and white"
amazing lines right there!
-
a good poem, and i can relate - not so long ago a friend of mine died from stomach cancer. a powerful poem, though, i would not have used all lowercase letters here. animal magnetisn i think of here - the pains we stumble through.
-
The poignancy and raw emotion expressed with beauty, love and compassion not to say absolute honesty makes reading it an absolute joy.As for cancerI can only say that May doctors find cures and fast this crab has cluthes that are deadly.I lost my aunt to breast cancer and the grief has never dimmed.Thanks for sharing and take care...
-
You have captured the disjointed moments of a diagnosis, denial, acceptance and finally letting go
a fellow actor friend of mine went very quickly, he had a malignant melanoma in the middle of his back, which he never looked at, most of us don't, and by the time he saw a doctor for pain, he was a walking dead man. My condolences to you on the loss of your friend, there is always an end in the word fri-end but it should come well into our eighties. Good work here as always.~~~Artis
-
Battling stomach cancer myself, I can feel the emotion of this piece.
I am sorry for your loss..
Well penned for such a sad occasion
Passions
-
Truly heartfelt. The poem is lovely for such a sad occasion. Perhaps touches me a bit for my mom is suffering from skin cancer currently. The last line is a powerful way to end such a write.
My Condolences,Az
-
That second stanza really tugged at my heart. I think because I had watched my grandmother die and I can completely relate to it.
especially, "her oxygen slowly left, and
her body deflated. withered and white,"
and then the next line, "she left earthless, heartless: no love, no sorrow." uh, that sounds so beautiful, yet in most circumstances in life, it would not be beautiful. (you know, some one who is heartless and have no feelings is so unbeautiful -- if I am making any sense at all...lol
) ONLY in this circumstance is it beautiful. So I really like that. I swear you just wrote about my grandmother's death. very relatable
-
compressed moments
A name is attached to a person at birth. The person is always more than this, but it is the heading for all the memories stored of the life the person lived. In this poem I see the turning of the pages in the album of her life. Each picture has a caption for the sense of who she was for you and what she meant in that moment. May her laughter and delightful presence linger in your memory more than her passing from this world.
-
My condolences
This is a beautiful poem, and I know the feeling too well. One of my best friends died not long ago, and though it's already been almost a year, I still can't bring myself to delete her phone-number from my cell. I tried writing about it, to make it more "real", and it didn't... Somehow, I don't think I'll ever accept that she's gone.
Anyway, I hope that writing about her made it a little easier to deal with. Very well-penned, and may your friend rest in peace.
-
Sorry for your loss...
I like the overall tone, as well as the imagery and phrasing, but the line breaks throw me a bit. Also, what's up with the "(I loved the )"? Is that supposed to be "thee" there? If not, is that an open ended the? Like you loved it all? I really dig the animal voices and the clock spinning like a pinwheel.
-
I am currently losing my grandmother to cancer rigtht now....they say she onlt has a few months.....believe me i know how you must feel.
-
Sorry for your loss, Kev. You capture the disruption, the broken effect of ... helplessness. I read somewhere, "Think of all the souls around you as fragile; and don't play so hard..."
-
I love this piece of writing, Kevin. I don't know why it never crossed my mind before now to come see poetry by the creator of this awesome site. Very well expressed. Sorry for your loss
-
A fine dedication to a lost friend.
-
Excellent
I like the imagery You have done a beautiful piece here. This is such a great take on love its the truth within your words that makes it work beautiful left me thinking and considering. well done. Excellent No typo's and nothing to change as far as i can see. Alexander QQ…
-
Kevin, I am so sorry sweetheart, we both are going through loss your loss is different then mine. But still that feeling of loss each of us having a friend. I mean you go through the tears you go through the shock you go through being okay to thinking about them to i am sure missing them. I could feel the pain in your words.. Its hard to give suggestions when its a dedication from the heart. I think your first three lines like Jackie perhaps said only I suggest just the last line needs to be finished out...In time maybe the ending I loved needs to continue with something?? What did you love like about them maybe put a world in there like memories moments special times together? Like maybe fill out the rest of that line. other then that I think its fine and beautifully done and heartfelt yet touching with the pain to how you really feel.
-
-
Thanks I agree... it lacks some specifics.
The final paragraph is about how watching someone die makes you want to live your life more fully... I'm dragging my heels to keep time going slower, but really to make it go slower you need to life fully and appreciate everything as much as you can...
-
-
This is so sad and it's a wonderful tribute to your friend. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Love,
Amera
-
I'm sorry your friend passed--
Very nice but what can you say when your heart says 'come back'. I do think it's just too soon to get your poem all together. The first three lines need some work but you just wait. With time you may have a whole new poem running in your head.
First line and last are Fine. Jackie
-
-
thanks made some edits... dunno if it made it more or less accessible though...
editing is a good feeling...
-
-
May she be at peace now.
and may you be comforted for your loss.
may you have a lovely night.
-
I am sorry for your loss. This is beautifully penned.
Mariana
Adding your comment:
1 - 29 of 29
