the iron taste of blood in my mouth reminds why I never used to bite my tongue. funny how things change.
- - -
today I am tracing paper,
letting you see who I really am.
giggling in the rain.
singing off-key to songs
that never really had a key to begin with.
but today I am also paper-thin,
and tear easily; a sideways glance
could shred me into confetti.
you could have a party.
but my transparencies never last;
tomorrow I'll be paper-maché again,
the kind of girl who has a hard time
showing you what's inside.
because sleep, sweet lethe,
will erase this; when I wake
I'll have forgotten how to trust.
& it'll be too late
to tell you I love you.
- - -
in the end, though, I have to remember I am not paper; I still feel pain. I am four humors, flesh and bone.
and it is hard to be cheerful for you when things are coming apart.
Author notes
prompt: sanguine [adjective] 1. cheerfully optimistic, hopeful, or confident.
2. (in old physiology) having blood as the predominating humor and consequently being ruddy-faced, cheerful, etc.
3. bloody; sanguinary.
this word fascinates me [partly because of Firefly, I'll be honest] but also because of the almost-contradiction in what it means. also it looks so flowy and smooth...
since I entered more than once: AP name is Afternoon Dreams.
A contest entry
- Freedom Rounds by Writing0Freedom.
400 points, ended June 22, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Thoughts?
Comments
-
title 4/5
relation to prompt 8/8
spelling\grammar 5/5
personal oppinion 14/20
rythmn 9/12
imagery 11/20 * It could have used more but it was short enough it did balance out
emotion 8/10
Diction 9/10
Originality 9/10
77/100
I really really really like this, and you are for sure a finalist. You have a lot of talent and I love you used the style of poetry and prompt to describe a character. This was beautiful!
writingFree -
excellent extended metaphor, especially love the paper-mache and confetti parts, the flippant "you could have a party" line, how it ties together the cheerful and fragile themes
"when I wake / I'll have forgotten how to trust."
another awesome line
this poem seemed more about paper than blood though... i think maybe you have two poems here. in the middle, a poem about paper, and wrapped around it, in the the first and third sections, the beginning and end of the poem playing off of the cheerful/bloody double meaning of "sanguine" (which is an awesome word, i agree). i feel like you could explore that paradox more deeply, have a lot of fun with it... what you have so far is awesome (the four humours line at the end is both clever and poignant), but you are just scratching the surface here, and really strikes me as distinct from the middle section. just a thought.
anyways, i'm so glad i came across your work. you are an extremely talented and thoughtful writer. -
opening line = absolute killer. you're so damn good at one liners. jealous.
you could have a party.
- xD love it x2846660 times
and it is hard to be cheerful for you when things are coming apart.
-kinda awesome in pretty much every way
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