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Slipping Softly

Slip, softly shod
into lily’s white gaze.
No ruby reds to take me home—

Your heart is where I live.

Author notes

20 words, topic: Science - Life - Fiction - Love - Shoes.
2009 June 11

A contest entry

All polite and critical commentary welcome and encouraged.

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • anaisnais
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    You certainly show a loved place in your heart here, the 'ruby reds' metaphor leaps out, and love your closing line too. Good luck in the contest. Anna-Marie.


  • geckogirl silver member
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    Your heart is where I live. .... love it
    so few words that say so much.... thanks hon


  • Dragonbabyx3
    June 11

    Edit | Reply
    Awww This was so sweet and tender. I loved the metaphor in this. Great work and good luck in your contest!


  • Ms-Mouse
    June 11

    Edit | Reply
    Toto! I think we might not be in Kansas any more!

    Thanks, enjoyed this.

  • Macsword
    June 11
    Edit | Reply

    Wow!

    A very wonderful 20 word write. Seems like you've said a bunch more. I really like it poet.

    • BearWoman gold member
      June 11
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much!

      >> Seems like you've said a bunch more.

      The trick (for me) is to use words and/or phrases that have alot of associated meaning (e.g., ruby red slippers from the Wizard of Oz), and to minimize "filler" words.

      Thanks again!

1 - 10 of 10