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Chess

Fuck me baby
like you love me baby,
tell me that I'm beautiful.
You hooked me quickly
cut me swiftly,
but all that was a lifetime ago.
Now I'm the player,
calculated stray-er,
collecting hear/t/rophies as I go.

Author notes

Yeah, so this is a short poem about heartbreak & tryring to get back at people. I'm not to sure if it managed to avoid falling into the cliche trap. But I tried.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think/ criticism more than welcome :)

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • jmk8602
    June 22

    Edit | Reply

    Chess-

    I like the vulgarity of the piece, it gives it a raw feeling. I'm a little torn by the line "hear/t/rophies." Part of me wants to like it, but I think it ultimately kills the fast pace of the piece.

    I think if I were to give you advice for revision: keep the quick pace and short lines. Make it as gritty and primal as you can. Avoid getting hung up on being too clever, like the last line, and let emotion take over. It could be an excellent short piece.