Leaves are flying across the evening sky
you’d think the Earth was hurting to
if you could see the scene you left me in
then maybe you’d feel the way I do
the clouds look heavier by the minute
and soon the storm will start
even the flowers have lost their color
and the world looks really dark
I had no idea this could be the end
and now my heart is sinking
if this were a movie you were watching
you’d ask yourself just what are you thinking
I’m still waiting
on the park bench where you left me
will you come back to your senses
like they do in those twisted romance movies
as the minutes pass
all hope fades away
I’m sitting here in darkness
but you’re long on your way.
A contest entry
- Already On My Favorites List by Ted E Bare.
400 points, ended October 17, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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A girl after my own heart with this poem. I love the movies and heavily into chick flicks. This definitely reminds me of one, but the guy doesn't come back in the end which is so sad for love and her. Truly loved this, but wished it could have a happy ending. Guess that's why it's a twisted romance and not a fairy-tale (for the prince never seems to be there in the end for the princess). I want to thank you for your entry into the following contest: "Already On My Favorites."
Ted E
PS: Your entry has been blessed by the three wise clappers, but don't spend the whole nine points in one place(lol)!
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Thanks!
Thank you for this beautiful and inspiring comment. I will always treasure your comments, and I'll also try to learn a bit from your poems as well.
~Gin
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You're very welcome and thank you for such a grand compliment within your comment
Ted E
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Your first stanza gives this poem so much momentum, which, unfortunately is lost at the end.
It begins here "you’d ask yourself just what are you thinking," when you begin altering your meter.
Instead of focusing on what you're saying, I'm adjusting my reading frame to accommodate this change in rhythm.
In any case, the idea for this poem was beautiful. Its execution, despite my uneasiness, was exceptional.
Bravo.
A.S.
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