your haunting breath
exhales
tendrils of smoke
which linger on lips
weighing my heart
in heaviness.
the stagnant stillness
fades slowly
and silently
into the mist...
taunting me
with whispers
of the words
you would no longer say.
In a list
A contest entry
- what whispers won't say by sweet arrival.
800 points, ended June 11, 2009, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Silver Prewrites by Kuranya.
550 points, ended September 18, 2009, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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this is such a lovely bit of imagery, rich in emotional weight and full of sad estrangement. very well done.
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Thanks so much for your kind words Rick.
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Such a sad piece this is, how we all long for words we know we can't ever hear again. Beautifully done. best to you in the contest
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Thanks for your kind words and for hosting the contest.
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wow im loving that
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Thanks for your visit and comment. Glad you liked it.
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Wow a truly deserving write dear poet ...excellent imagery reader sees the picture your verse paints ...great write dear poet
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Thanks for the comment and kind words Anitpodi.
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touching
I feel the touch of melancholy... sadness... and loss... Makes me think of some lines of a song... "There's a hole in my heart that can only be filled by you." *heavy sigh*
BTW... thanks for visiting my page.
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Thanks so much for the visit and comment. So nice to see you.
Two songs popped into my head as a result of this poem and the comments I've received. I find it interesting one popped into yours as well. Makes me think about how music can precisely capture emotions.
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We are they, in this vicious circle of words no longer said...
This is very exceptional. I loved it.
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You can be the Eggman (wooooo) lol
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Thanks TD. I've always wondered who "they" were and now I know I'm one of them. Your comment triggered yet another song related to this poem and it's comments this time being the opening lines of "I Am The Walrus" ...
I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
I think all this music linking is trying to tell me something.
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Is it trying to tell you that you are the walrus?....because you so are! lol!
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*moment of clarity*
I AM the walrus...Goo goo ga joob lol
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Imagery complete ...
and don't we all take that very seat at various times in our lives? Be they family, friend, lover, or spouse and who should wonder about how someone came up with "familiarity breeds (in your case breathes) contempt. I've always said that "one can feel lonely when they're by themselves but it doesn't begin to startle awareness as much as the feeling of lonely when with someone!" Nice sharing poem here! joy
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Thanks for a such great comment Joy and good to see you. Hope all is well on your end.
"What you've always said..." reminds me of lyrics from the old Billy Joel song "Piano Man" that goes "where they're sharing a drink called lonliness, cause its better than drinking alone".
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Well I've been there, always on the hurting side...what does that say about me? lol
I'd go on and give a sermon about "why can't people always stay in love" but I'm sure you'll tell me this is really a poem about Ginger and how she no longer loves her squeaky toy.
I'm a gigantic pessamist but I still think people can be ridiculously in love for the long haul...they just have to have that basic core and want the same things.
But generally...people suck, lol
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Ginger was never a big fan of squeaky toys unless of course the squeaker is inside a stuffed squirrel or goose.
I know you're not a fan of U2 but in one of their songs "Moment of Surrender" there's a line that goes "it's not if I believe in love, but if love believes in me".
I think most of us have been there at one time or another.
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While I would wish to see the pixie
cavorting in the moonlight,
I see her sadder side
dimly shining in the mist,
challenging life
to appear as art.
Exceptional misty revelation...
Aes
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Thanks Aes.
Sometimes I'm just the passenger and the muse is the driver. -
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Safer for you,
taking dictation,
not driving!!
Did you see J'aime coudre's
piece written on the way
to her sewing group---
while she was driving.
Great piece---but dangerous
her method. -
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When I'm driving no writing except maybe a quick jot sometimes when stopped at a light. lol
I haven't read J'aime's piece. Will go take a peek.
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This is so haunting and moving. You leave the reader with such an empty feel...which in this case is good!
Nicely done
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Thanks for the comment Stacy.
The prompt just pointed me in that direction. Plus, it's been misty here all day.
AP is not cooperating with me tonight. Trouble posting my reply. Hope it works this time.
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It did. I'll give AP a smack for you too. It's been giving me trouble also lol
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Good to know it's not just me lol
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breathtaking. the taunting with those whispers, yet not hearing anything as it fades into the shadows of mist. beautiful imagery
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Thank you so much for the kind words.
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