I shake the rain off of my shoulders.
How convenient these lenient rays of sunshine are.
Bound
By
Time
(I beg.)
Craving warmth.
Craving home.
(wishing.)
wanting to whisk myself away into my own venerational nostalgia.
Picturing myself flying above the road as Indian paintbrushes.
Sinfully
swat
me.
carelessly,
freely,
vengeful.
I'm collapsing;
learning that she wasn't here.
(never was)
Never will be.
(Not for someone like me.)
she was my heart.
That immaculate being that laid her strength into my soul.
Awakening
every
spirit.
God.
My heart,
It is breaking.
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Wow. This is a pretty cool poem that you have penned in here.
I like the kind of open structure to it. It makes me feel like I have room to breathe and see it how I want to see it. I got the feeling like the person in this poem was struggling to get out of the feelings like they were held down or locked away. Like they were really trying to get away from all the pain. It's always so hard when your heart gets broken. I thought you did a good job of expressing yourself here.
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Thank you so much.
Your comment was extremely nice. -
Captured!
This piece was well crafted with immaculate diction and many, many memorable lines. Definite kudos on word choice!
I also enjoyed how played with your words in the sense of alliteration (shake, shoulders...sinfully swat).
The shape of the poem gave it a lot of life. and i'm usually not a fan of parenthesis in poetry, but feel, in this instance, they were used effectively.
I am also not a huge fan of grammar and heavy conventions, but was not distracted by them, kudos there too.
I loved this piece and its emotional journey!
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Thank you for the very nice comment.
I do use way to much parenthesis in my poetry.
I'm a huge E.E.Cummings fan.
thanks again for the comment i felt like you really enjoyed it.
That's the best feeling a poet can have.
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Well done!
This is a great piece, I enjoy reading it...it's sad but beautiful. Well done!
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thank you
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wow thanks guys. I really felt like i did something....actually i wrote this at work because i have a really physical job and it's been raining forever so that's how i started it, and then it kinda got a little personal.... basically i started it off by exactly how i felt and just went deeper, and a whole lot more personal with my inner feelings. but wow ,thank you it means a lot cause a lot of my shit sucks.
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Yikes sorry, I didnt realize I had already commented on this one earlier, will send you some points to make up for wasting your click.
Still a good poem though. I read it again
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no problem i appreciate all the support
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I can't see any reason for revision. This is a very good write, its simple in form, but very profound and powerful in its emotion. Great job.
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The pain and sicerity of the write are apparant. Good visuals that keep a timeworn topic from becoming stagnant. Nicely done.
It was easy to relate to from the readers own frame of reference and still painted a picture that leads us along the path of our imagination.
Enjoyed the read. -
This is one of the most amazing pieces I've read in a long time. It really makes me consider what's going on in life. Also, it makes me want to re-do all my poems in hopes of a turn out half as good as this poem.
Very well done.
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That totally makes me blush im speechless by your comment
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wanting to whisk myself away into my own venerational nostalgia.
SO SO beautiful!!! i don't know what else to say, if this is up for revision, i don't know why... its perfect the way it is. unless you wanted to add to it!
she was my heart.
That immaculate being that laid her strength into my soul.
Awakening
every
spirit
it just leaves me breathless.... really really well done!
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thank you so much for taking the time to read.
Thank you Thank you
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Oh flippy...
You melt me with such beautiful words.
WHY CAN'T I HAVE YOU?!
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Damn marital vows and jurisdiction.
thank you for taking the time to read though.
appreciate it, and you know ill read yours.
.....and ill comment too which i'm bad about
I'm such a bad critic when people leave good remarks on my page.
thanks salteh salteh
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That immaculate being that laid her strength into my soul.
Awakening
every
spirit.
God.
My heart,
It is breaking.
that is wickedly awesome i can not believe how much i love this poem just because of the ending -
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thank you i worked hard on the whole thing. especially on the ending
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Wow! This is really really good. I can feel the emotions surging through these words. It's beautiful!
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Thank you !
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thanks. i just posted this for feature but you clicked on it first, i guess you were just browsing new poems.
that was cool. -
I don't usually like this kind of writing because it just makes me depressed, but I liked this. You have a way of expressing your pain that doesn't seem forced or overly explained, and I appreciate that in a poem. Overall, I think this is a really good piece.
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