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I Rest In Avalon

If I could I would return,
and teach my foolish self to learn;
retake my steps on paths now gone,
accept the past and travel on.

With perfect sight I'd see and know
enough to take a second go;
and after all my battles won,
accept the past and travel on.

So many things have come to pass
in single turn of hourglass;
but now I rest in Avalon,
accept the past and travel on.

If I could I would return,
accept the past and travel on.

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13
  • Purrsanthema
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    I think this is lovely. There's a specific term for the technique of leaving out the first syllable but, alas, at this minute, it escapes me!

  • Mercury Rising
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    An excellent Kyrielle Sonnet, that is merely missing a single beat in the first line. Keep up the wonderful works.

  • forever 35
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    Great example of a Kyrielle Sonnet. Words are nicely chosen. I pause at the use of "hourglass" as 3 syllables


  • DesolatELifE
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    I've never written one of thse. That almost surprises me, since I've read a lot of them.

    I disagree with that guy down there.. Nothing wrong with this whatsoever. If I was forcing myself to 'criticise', I would say that 'If I could I would return' is great for the first line, but feels like it needed to be a longer line in its repetition. However, I don't even agree with that, so am not sure why I wrote it.


    • Discoveria
      June 12
      Edit | Reply
      I see what you mean. I ought to put an extra unstressed syllable in...but I think I will leave it as it is.

      An alternate line could be "If I could change/choose I would return..." but it feels like a deviation from what I wanted to say. Or I could shove in the filler word "And".


  • Obani
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    i think this is cool, i like the repeated 'accept the past and travel on' which sort of contrasts the rest of the poem while also encompassing the message of the piece


    • Discoveria
      June 10
      Edit | Reply
      The repetition was enforced by the form I chose, Kyrielle Sonnet. In some ways it's easier to write, as long as you can connect the refrain line to the rest of the poem in a creative way. Have a go


  • The.poet.of.hearts
    June 10
    Edit | Reply
    I shall come tomrrow
    bcz o have to leave now
    its 4 am in morning
    sorry


  • The.poet.of.hearts
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    and what is avalon?
    can you explain me this?
    the write was far much better
    but it needs more work in it

    by
    the poet of hearts and beautiful words


    • Discoveria
      June 10
      Edit | Reply
      Nevertheless, it would help if you could be specific about exactly where the poem needs work. And what was this write "far much better" than?


    • Discoveria
      June 10
      Edit | Reply
      It is as it is now, and will not be revised. But thank you for your comment.

      Avalon is the mythical island to which King Arthur was taken to recover from his wounds.

      see en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avalon
      (sorry, made a mistake and can't post the same link twice)

1 - 13 of 13