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I'm Made This Way

The moon
full tonight,
shines like
a silver penny.

The beast
awakes in me
devours my soul,
one goal.

Hair grows
from every pore,
teeth and nails
cut with ease.

The fear,
the eyes
of prey,
I'm made this way ...

The blood;
the taste of flesh,
the reawakening,
then the dread.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Cherry.Cyanide gold member
    September 7

    Edit | Reply
    This was very powerfully written, more than likely because every line was so concise and to the point, as opposed to being slightly waffley. I find that a poem that is more succinct is generally far more forceful and commands attention.

    Just one question: is line 10 supposed to end with "pore" and not "pour"? The holes in your skin right?

    I love how it ended as well. Dread is such a visual and evocative word, and I really felt it in the pit of my stomach. Good job!!

    xx


    • Uniquely-Scarred
      September 7
      Edit | Reply
      thanks and your right it is pore lol

      • Cherry.Cyanide gold member
        September 7
        Edit | Reply
        oh cool!
        yeah I was a little worried about correcting you for a second because my vocab has gone to the crapper in recent times. It's true what they say. Your lifestyle can indeed pop holes in your brain
        But cheers, I don't feel like such a dropkick now


  • sweet arrival gold member
    August 10

    Edit | Reply
    the way you allowed the picture to form was well done. i was thinking a physical change, but when i was finished, it was much deeper than that... more of a psychological change.


  • Morning-Star
    August 8

    Edit | Reply
    i like the whole poem but I really love the very last line "then the dread"
    and the lines "The beast
    awakes in me
    devours my soul"

  • Dark Indeed

    Still the loathing persists
    Reminds you, that you exist?
    Take comfort where its found
    Fight your demons, Hold your ground
    You like me will fight within
    Hopefully with luck, We'll win


  • motel silver member
    July 31

    Edit | Reply

    " ... then the dread."

    great portrait of the emergence of anxiety, paranoia, despair.

  • a good poem penned, ah the moon, it has and forever will bring out the animal instinct out of people, the howls of lunatics and the rippled-ruffles fur of insanity shall stand on end.

1 - 13 of 13