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Psychotic Sister

Running away from incubus,
Trapped in my house,
Looking for a place to hide,

Run,run as fast as you can,
I am a malign spirit,
I am venom, a toxic,
Running in your veins,
And you don't even know,

Closing every door,
Closing every window,
Searching for a knife,
To protect myself from a daimon,

I don't need doors,
I don't need windows,
I am behind you, right here,
And you don't even see,

I`ll fight it and i`ll fight my fear,
I am hiding in attic and there is only one door
Let it come through that door,
Let it come, I am waiting,

Fighting to whom?
Waiting for what?
I am your fear, A cursed you are born with,
And you don't even hear,

I`ll get through this,
I`ll stay strong,
I`ll win this war,

Its not the matter of winning or losing,
We are not in a battle, my sister
"O" how naive you are,

I am losing my patience,
I am losing my mind,
I am losing this war,
I am losing it all,

You need to rest my twin sister,
Just close your eyes and sleep,
You are not insane,
I am right here,
Your twin psychotic sister







Author notes

M e h r a S u l t a n

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • LeilaJayne
    November 14

    Edit | Reply
    Very dark and slightly twisted lol. But very very well written, i really like the idea and originality of the words...
    Thanks so much for entering and best of luck in the contest... x


  • MJ Forgives
    October 29
    Edit | Reply
    Really good poem. Hope you do well in my contest and thanks for entering. Love and Peace!
    -Jess


  • Dryad Enya
    October 16

    Edit | Reply
    Not suprised you won gold, poet.of.hearts is great and this is right up her street! Best of luck in all the contests, this dark sensatonal write will take you far...proberly 'cos you'll be running away from it in fear
    Best of luck
    Dryad Enya


  • Antebellum
    August 3
    Edit | Reply
    great imagery.
    very dark, but amazing. thanks for sharing.


  • dutch2lips gold member
    July 26
    Edit | Reply
    very dark poem, thank you for entering


  • The.poet.of.hearts
    July 23
    Edit | Reply
    You Scored 84


  • darkyinsoul
    July 14

    Edit | Reply
    Deep and dark
    grammer needs work.. but
    welocome to the finalist
    good luck to you
    Darky


  • Jayde1
    July 14

    Edit | Reply

    great

    tis agreat poem....


    words are awsome

    could do with work on the grammer

    other than that is wicked

    well done


    good luck in contest

  • meena krish
    July 13

    Edit | Reply
    I could visualize a twin conversation going on,
    like a fight within oneself. A dark & intense
    write with full of images...good write!


  • Reptile Lady gold member
    July 13

    Edit | Reply
    A dark write full of imagery of thoughts that are haunting

    Thanks for sharing with me and best wishes to you
    Julie


  • HerIcyIronicWords..
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is a very good poem.
    It is like a riddle and I like the last verse alot!
    Well done
    Thanks for sharing
    And keep writing!!


  • eastwind32
    July 8
    Edit | Reply
    Cleverly written. Kept up the interest with every line.

  • XxLoverOfDarknessxX
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    this was really good! i enjoyed reading it. WOW! BRAVO! keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!

  • The.poet.of.hearts
    July 1

    Edit | Reply
    oh . you will win the contest
    this im sure

    ehehe.. just came at your page.. and read this contest piece by chance
    brilliant

    by
    the poet of hearts and beautiful words


  • Angelix
    June 22
    Edit | Reply
    Nice. I like your perspective shift.


  • Mango Memories
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    Well done on this write!

    Now, i can see your poetry getting better and better from the first time i started reading them!

    Im proud of you, sunflower!

    This poem is fanatically written and offers alot of potential.

    i loved:

    I don't need doors,
    I don't need windows,
    I am behind you, right here,
    And you don't even see,


    So powerful that line, it made me get goosebumps

    Cant wait to see your new pieces of work!

    Keep up the great work...


  • Cyanide Dreams
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done on this piece. Your emotions in this were pretty powerful. However, I think that the repition of words such as "losing" and "fighting" took away from the imagery and the structure of this. Try and get some synonyms of those repetitive words in there. Other then that, this was done fairly well. Great job and good luck in the contest.

    Josh


  • Wayne Leon Learmond
    June 13

    Edit | Reply

    A very powerful piece of writing here. Your emotion and fear comes through in this so very well indeed. I feel though that you should go over this piece again, as your grammar here lets you down.  For example: *Runing* away from incubus,

    The above word should be *RUNNING* 

     

    I`ll get *throgh* this,

    Should be *THROUGH*

    *Its* not the matter of *wining* or *loosing*,  {Go through all the words that you have spelt *loosing*}

     

    Should be IT'S, *WINNING* *LOSING*

    I am *loosing* my patience,

    Should be *LOSING*


    If you can polish this piece up it will look more professional.

    Dark Wishes

    Wayne Leon

     

     

1 - 19 of 19