bits of fluff from the wind
catches in your smile.
i hold you close, watching
this river swim south.
you laugh for no reason,
like the way oaks grow up.
i can’t make any sense of it
it’s just how the gods
decided you and the trees
should be. as i watch the water
move toward louisiana
i realize that you are a child
of rain.
you are a mystery,
like capturing birds in flight,
or the heaven where memories
play. you are the moon to me,
a smile in the night. you are the sun,
hide and seek between my fingers.
you are my storm, leaping
into existence and away from sorrow.
keep me safe
from all that is the sky.
i know you will prosper
for you are from the valley
of a pearly womb.
Author notes
i have no clue where to go with this. maybe to the stars?
http://allpoetry.com/column/show/2353301
“you know, the sun is in your eyes
and hurricanes and rains
blacken cloudy skies”
a song from the movie hedwig and the angry inch
help!
peace to all ~flight
honesty
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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99 - X Factor
Originality 9/10
Creativity/Poetic device 9/10
Line-breaks/emphasis/flow/structure 9/10
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas 10/10
Cohesion 10/10
Emotion/personality/edge 9/10
Impact/Reaction 8/10
mechanics: 5/5
rules followed: 5/5
diction/verbiage: 5/5
syntax: 5/5
Title: 5/5
overall opinion: 5/5
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 5/5
Total: 99 X Factor
When you sent me your rough draft, I wasn't sure if it'd be good enough to secure you a place in the top seven...but you took my advice and went above and beyond, again.
Even something as little as format can make something new, inventive. And for that, I awarded you the X Factor points - because this entry shows me that there is a drive to be original. And for me, the risk you took with changing the format worked. And that's a huge risk to take in a bottom four elimination challenge!
The imagery itself wasn't totally original, but you did work it out in the long run...hence the 9's.
On top of that you have your usual personal touch to it and as usual your voice is evident in what you've wrote. Whatever happens, you put up a good fight in my opinion and I respect that.
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Originality 9/10
Creativity/Poetic device 10/10
Line-breaks/emphasis/flow/structure 9/10
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas 10/10
Cohesion 9/10
Emotion/personality/edge 10/10
Impact/Reaction 9/10
mechanics: 4/5
rules followed: 5/5
diction/verbiage: 5/5
syntax: 5/5
Title: 5/5
overall opinion: 5/5
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 0/5
Total: 95
The lines on the right seemed like a separate poem to me- they had the same theme but a slightly different style and message, and just the lines on the left would have made a great poem. Other than that, this is nice.
-Cassidy -
Originality 9/10
Creativity/Poetic device 9/10
Line-breaks/emphasis/flow/structure 10/10
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas 10/10
Cohesion 10/10
Emotion/personality/edge 9/10
Impact/Reaction 9/10
mechanics: 5/5
rules followed: 5/5
diction/verbiage: 5/5
syntax: 5/5
Title: 5/5
overall opinion: 5/5
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 5/5
Total: 101 X Factor
I liked the line/stanza breaks, they're different and didn't hinder my reading or understanding of te poem. I think you did really well with this challenge.
s ~Genie~
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95
Originality 10/10
Creativity/Poetic device 10/10
Line-breaks/emphasis/flow/structure 8/10
balance of abstraction/imagery/ideas 10/10
Cohesion 10/10
Emotion/personality/edge 10/10
Impact/Reaction 9/10
mechanics: 4/5
rules followed: 5/5
diction/verbiage: 5/5
syntax: 5/5
Title: 4/5
overall opinion: 5/5
Extra credit ~ X Factor: 0/5
Total: 95
Your line breaks and alignment confused me, to be honest. But I do like the emotion. I'm not really sure about giving an X-Factor, but this is overall a nice job.
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catches should be catch. just a grammar problem.
otherwise this was cute. good luck !
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i'll make sure to change that once the judging is over.
thanks for finding that error!!
peace to all ~flight
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i think it's awesome, as usual.
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thanks!
peace to all ~flight
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