I wonder
if I close my eyes and dive in
to the arms of another man
who loves me, who wants me
will his skin feel like yours?
I try
to close my eyes and imagine
just me and him
but you keep barging in
as if someone invited you
who invited you?
I think
if I really want it to be simple
I'll let it be what it wants to
and taste the flesh beneath me
as whose it really is; not yours
so why does he taste just like you?
I pause
and my heart paces my throat and gut
trying to find control in a helpless situation
trying to hang on to something tangible
from what was and, I fear,
might not be again
I try
and I try, try, try
to find a way to hold your attention
and hold your gaze
and hold your hand
and hold your cheek in my palm
without wanting to drown my heart in tears
And I wonder
if I will always see you
in another man's eyes
and feel you
in my heart
I wonder
do you feel this way too?
Constructive critisism is encouraged!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Ingenious.. and passionate
Very mournful end-of-relationship stuff, but I think has ring of truth to it. Unfortunately, I cannot trul empathise, as the thought of some bloke's hairy arse is a bit off-putting, what with me being a man and all.
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As I Wonder
you wrote such a beautiful piece, and its flows as dangers thoughts and actions would flow, as I read it, I pictured my self in that very same spot wondering myself if those feelings would be the same, your piece not only may have been a piece from your own heart, but you have a way to get the female readers to feel that same question and make it possible to be the one wondering those same thoughts... great piece cant wait to read more some day... any time let me know and I will be glad to read
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I can really relate to this poem and it revived my emotions in a good way. This poem gave me feelings of longing and yearning and I really love this poem.
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I love how the questions asked are merely fragments, afterthoughts, all you will allow yourself.
And the way you use two words to section off your poem. "I wonder", you describe your lover. "I try", you describe your inner conflict. "I think", you try to rationalize with yourself. "I pause", you stop thinking, and you panic. "I try", and you really do try, reaching for a memory, for that one who is still a part of your soul and will not leave. "And I wonder", you allow yourself to return to this phantom, and love him and feel him. "I wonder", you reach out to him with a last thought. Is he there?
Brilliantly written! -
Fantastic!!!!!
its powerful and the repetition is awesome....i love how you used the starting of each line amazing...keep up the great work
Stevie
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This is an all around good poem. To make it better just get ridor line 25 (is sounds childish).Ok line 2&3 there is a problem as (into is one word) try "inside the arms of another man" These are just ideas. I hope you can used them.
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wow that was really powerful.. i love your repetition: I try, try, try, because it's so real and raw and it really shows that you're putting yourself into this. this is truly beautiful... i love the last few lines... And I wonder
if I will always see you
in another man's eyes
and feel you
in my heart
I wonder
do you feel this way too?
absolutely incredible.
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