There is no peace in here
A storm has rolled in
Here I am again, with my head stuck in its dark clouds
And there is no wind strong enough to push it away
A sweet song carries only sour notes
A mirror only glares at me
but it's harder for me to look away
The deepest of poems offer no relief
A perfect sunset will dissapoint me
and leave behind more darkness
This storm won't just pass
First it will rain itself down my face
and through my heart, washing away warmth and love
Then it becomes a puddle at my feet
A clear sky will be revealed
Until the puddle evaporates and brews up
a new storm over my head..
Author notes
A little darker than Im used to but its gonna have to get darker still...
- Calling all lyric writers group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Dark Poems and Submodalities by Death Reaper ver. 6.
700 points, ended June 18, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Questions/comments please?
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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ليس هناك سلام هنا في
عاصفة قد تدحرجت في
أنا هنا مرة أخرى ، مع تمسك رأسي في السحب الداكن
وهناك رياح قوية بما يكفي ليدفع به بعيدا وتترك وراءها المزيد من الظلاموالاغنية الحلوة لا يحمل سوى تعكر تلاحظ
مرآة فقط يبرز على نحو فاضح في وجهي
إلا أنه من الصعب بالنسبة لي أن ننظر بعيدا
أعمق من القصائد لا تقدم الإغاث
في
عاصفة قد تدحرجت في
أنا هنا مرة أخرى ، مع تمسك رأسي
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DEEP
and yes, you certainly painted a 'dark' image in my mind, but it's extremely well done my friend, sorry to here it's gonna get darker..
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very dark poem, i really enjoyed the picture you created, i love the line;
"A sweet song carries only sour notes
A mirror only glares at me "
congratulations on the gold, it was well deserved
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wow.
this is great.
'A sweet song carries only sour notes
A mirror only glares at me
but it's harder for me to look away'
I really like this part. -
I love the dark stuff!
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congratulations on your Gold trophy.Well deserved.You paint the picture of deep depression extremely well.Let us hope a high front is on it's way to you right now
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all i can say is:
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I liked the personification: "A mirror only glares at me" and "The deepest of poems offer no relief". It's also very relatable, and dark so it deserved the trophy.
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Until the puddle evaporates and brews up
a new storm over my head.. - we win or loose, it doesnt matter, we have to fight the next battle, thats what this line says to me! Intriguing write!
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"A sweet song carries only sour notes"
Beautiful line. The entire second stanza was truly amazing.
Loved this
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to be in a place where the rain never lets up and just when you think things are getting better something hits you... love the read, words and imagery
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So glad I stopped in Jay! Absolutely fantastic tool of expression, which in your hands opens a clear window of insight to your mind, and your soul as well. Raw, Direct and full of emotion, I wouldn't change a thing with the exception of maybe some rounded use of punctuation, as previously commented. Thanks for letting me in Jay, I will post soon, I promise!
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Thanks Woofie, I appreciate the comment, welcome aboard.
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This is what I was waiting for to read... marvelously reflective and dark... nice choice of words... everything fits in... Good luck to you... :-) -
i sense a great love for the outdoors. spending time in the hills or on a lake can be very healing, and i can see that in this poem, well done my friend
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A very deeply emotional write. I love the imagery. The only thing I would change is adding some punctuation. Good write, best of luck in the contest.
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i so have been there and don't like the feelings one single bit. i hope you are removed from that place of horror soon. i wish you well in this contest that you have entered.
viyanna rosemarie
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we all have had our days of dark and a little darker still. Some of my best writings come from the dark side.....oh that was off.....anyways, this was a good read, enjoyed it and thanks for sharing your work with all of us
unchartedpoet -
very good imagry, i love the last 4 lines
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Storms enter our lives yet they are what leads us to the enjoyment and fullfillment of happier meetings.
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Superb Plus
A very fine write, indeed. Your imagery brought back to mind my own bouts of depression I suffered from many years ago, and wrote about in my own series on Depression. If you choose to read any of them, just check my lists on my profile page.
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those storms seem to linger a bit... and then once it disperses, it is only regrouping to return again. nicely written
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Poet
The sad downside of life penned expertly by you the young poet.
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Great poem, smart and insightfull. People often seem to say that a storm is temporary and it will pass. But they miss that fact that frequently things don't get better for alot of people, or at least not for a long time to come.
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really cool, this is damn good!
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Very cool way to describe the predilection toward darker thought, like peaks and valleys where the valleys are vast.
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Life is an endless cycle—and it seems that just when you're enjoying the blue sky, a thunderhead pops up and explodes above you. I love the ending, but I think the second stanza is my favorite. Thanks for sharing.
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god I know the feeling.
Awesome job with the imagery and emotion in this. I completely know how you feel. Really awesome job. I'm so in awe and in love with this. Really wonderful job.
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