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Midnight Breeze

The midnight breeze calls to me to ease my weary mind
It’s warm soft touch caresses my cheek to help my soul unwind
It’s soothing arms swaddle me into a euphoric embrace
All the worries of the day slowly leave my face

All the world is quiet, just a calm and peaceful song
Nature seems to sing to me as my heart chants along
The rhythm is consoling, calming, and serene
Everything seems so perfect, graceful, and pristine

The Moon light is brilliant as it shines with its grace
It’s allure begins to cradle me, all time seems to erase
It seems almost maternal as it seems to keep the sky
Each phase of the moon demands the world, persistent to comply

Stars dust the universe with their enchanting shimmering light
Exquisite in their beauty while striking against the night
There isn’t a stone on this earth that could dare to meet their shine
They are perfection in their splendor, Heavens grand design

There are so many that view the dark as a cold and scary place
To me the dark is tranquility as it slows the worlds quick pace
It’s comfort in its essence, the savior of the day
A show case to all the world, the universe on display.

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

I realize that this piece is slightly off kilter as far as the meter and I plan to revise that as soon as I get the time to work on it. It won't change much though aside from some dropped extra wording and a more even flow.

What did you think? I appreciate an honest opinion.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • GoliathAssassin
    June 29
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    Serenity...

    The truth of this speaks especially in the final stanza. You know how to end on a good note!


  • wander of the sky
    June 26
    Edit | Reply
    so beautiful and enchanting


  • Vickie Rosa
    June 26

    Edit | Reply

    BRILLIANT PIECE

    This was superb my friend you get a standing novation from me. I actualy felt what you spoke, a beautiful backround too. Amazing write. peace be with you.


  • musie
    June 26

    Edit | Reply

    WoW!

    I absolutely loved this! Brilliant in it's rhythm and rhyme...so many lovely images, it would be difficult to choose a favorite. I love rhyme but for some reason have gotten away from it...Thank for sharing this beauty....musie


  • Discoveria
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm, apparently I read this before but didn't comment. Saw your comments in the forum. Here are some thoughts:

    It's hard to know whether you wanted to write this in strict meter or not. Currently it's not, but some parts of it almost want to be consistent - for example: "All the world is quiet, just a calm and peaceful song". Also I feel you could shorten the line length and still stay true to the meaning while being more succinct. For example, the repetition of "It seems" in the same line.

    The vocabulary is good and the words you chose really bring out a tranquil feeling in this poem. Good imagery etc.

    grace/erase rhymes in American English, but not UK English. Thought I'd mention it. Other than that minor point your rhymes are technically flawless and go beyond the simple.

    There are a few grammatical issues. I'm fairly adept at pointing out those, but let me know if you'd prefer me to focus on other things:

    "It's warm", "It's soothing", "It's allure" -> "Its ..."
    "Moon light" -> "moonlight" or "Moon's light"
    "Heavens" -> "Heaven's"
    "worlds" -> "world's"


    • MissyYates
      June 26
      Edit | Reply
      When I wrote that forum topic I wasn't speaking of anyone specific. I just noticed people reading them and not responding and thought maybe I was missing something. It didn't occur to me at the time that some don't read it when they click on it or that you only get so many free smiley's in a day. Aside from that I actually realized that this piece is slightly off kilter as far as the meter. I've planned on revising it for that very reason and meant to make a note of it but I've been a bit busy and not as active as I should be on my site, I do have 2 kids after all..lol. As far as the imperfect rhyme I don't feel like it has to rhyme with perfection and sometimes I feel like it almost sounds better as long as the 2 words flow well. If you think it has other mistakes feel free to tell me as I do still plan to revise this piece eventually..lol. I'm just short on time which is the reason for so little submitted poems.

  • poets whisper
    June 11

    Edit | Reply
    Nice presentation. I love the poetry as well. The first two lines knock my socks (support socks really lol) off. the bg and graphics lend themselves to the write.


  • arafura gold member
    June 11
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice! I really enjoyed reading this. It flows particularly well.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    A beautiful evocation of the wonders of the night sky.
    Long lyrical lines with nice soft rhyming.

    O really lovely poem

    Jeff

  • Topnotchsy
    June 9

    Edit | Reply
    This is simply stunning. The imagery, the background, the word selection, the rhythm and rhyming all combined to create a work of art!!


  • MysteriousWhisper
    June 9

    Edit | Reply
    this is very beautiful! i love the imagery. this poem also challenged me to think a lot! i really liked it! great job!

1 - 11 of 11