Hello, Operator?

PART ONE:

1-
800
Silence...
784
Tears stream down his face.
2433
Silence...
An anxious voice answers his call.
“Hello, this is the suicide hotline.”
A puddle of tears collects on the tip of his nose.
He tries to speak, but is at a loss for words.
“Please talk to me” she says.
“Please let me help you.”
Her chest grows weak as she listens to this man break down in front of her.
She tries to say something, but what the hell is she supposed to do?
She can’t collect her thoughts.
"Please, tell me what is wrong?"
Out of the erie silence, and amongst the muffled tears,
A quiet, quivering voice cries out.

“I have sleepless nights and lifeless days.
I gave my heart to her, but she took so much more away.
I am empty on the inside, numb to everything.
My heart beats, barely: just a murmur.
My fingers  feel like they have been detached.
All of the blood is in my heart, forcing it, making it beat.
Making me breathe.
My stomach. God, my stomach.
I can feel my insides crumbling, just withering away.
My head is just empty.
I cannot think about anything.
Anything except her.
I can't eat.
I can't sleep.
I don’t know what to say.
I love her.
I brought down the sky for her.
I did everything, I fought for her.
I came back for this her, but
She broke my heart: shattered it.
She put out my flame.
She ripped me apart,
I’ll never, fucking ever be the same.
I can't smile.
I am normally so strong.
She made me so weak,
How could I be so wrong?
Apparently she always lied to me.
When I talked to her that day, she was evil.
Just cruel.
I wish you could have seen.
She smiled and laughed when I told her how I feel.
She lied to me.
After all that time, she couldn't even tell me why.
"I need to find myself"
"I'm self conscious"
Bull shit.
Is she self concious with him?
She told me she didn't want anybody.
She said there isn't anybody else but I can see:
I can see that there is...
She replaced me before I walked out the door.
I am broken, she ripped me apart and cut me to the core.
She watched me bleed.
She picked me up just to watch me fall.
When I hit the ground, she watched me crawl.
She made my love a game
How the fuck will I heal?
What we had was so much more to me.
God, it was so real.
I came back because I loved her.
She was never just a stupid relationship to me.
She was my everything, I wish you could see.
I wish that I didn’t love her this much,
Nobody can believe that I do.
I can’t believe that I do.
I can’t believe I love her so much.
After all she has put me through?
I care about her more than myself,
but she found another, somebody else.
When I see them,
My heart stops beating.
This guy, my replacement.
Really?  They kill me.
Is she really better off without me?
I was great to her.
I could not have been better.
I cannot love her more.
I cannot, ever.”

He stops.
Tears ring out through the earpiece.
They feel so real, even through the phone.
The faint sound of muffled tears.
This time, it was the operator who could not stop crying.
She said “I would die for somebody to feel like that about me. ”
“I don’t know how she couldn’t. I don’t know why?”

He says, “I know.  Most people would."

He hangs up.

"So would I.”









PART TWO:

I hang up: put the gun to my head.
God I'm fucked up, am I better off dead?
I don’t want to be like this!
This is not me.
I go to pull the trigger.
I want to be free!
I want to be free, but I can’t.
The operator reached over and grabbed the gun.
I don’t know what I would have happened without my friends.
What would I have done?
All my friends on the other end of the phone.
They made me see, made me feel like I wasn’t alone.
The hugged me, they held me.
They could see, she fucked me.
She didn’t cry, but god they did.
While they helped, this girl, she hid.

They read the things I write.
They say, “This girl will never deserve you.
You may not believe me now, but you know that it's true.
After all that?  After she did that to you?
You should never forgive her for what she has put you through.
You were great to her.
You could not have been better.
You cannot love her more.
You cannot, ever.
You will be better off without her.
You will find someone who is worth your time.
She will appreciate every word you write,
She will feel every rhyme.
We all know you meant it when you said forever.
Keegan, you will find someone else and you will be together.
You will hold her and love her and make her your own.
You will find another lucky girl.
You won't be alone."