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Fallen Angel

Fallen deep in the pit,
Fighting to make a way back to light,
Clughted by the demon in dark,
Light is just an illusion,
Forced dreams of heaven,
Showing beauty and ecstasy,
To maximize pain and suffering,
Crawling in dead-end cave,
Redolent with burned human meat,
Revolutionizing all this smoke,
All this fight and all this war,
All for what,
        All for dead hope...

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 16 of 16
  • dragongirl
    November 22
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Well written poem. Interesting idea about what light is.


  • MJ Forgives
    October 29

    Edit | Reply
    I like your poem it is awesome! I especially like this part:"All this fight and all this war,
    All for what,
    All for dead hope...". I hope you do well in my contest and thanks for entering. Love and Peace!
    -Jess


  • AloneForever-
    October 25
    Edit | Reply
    Nice.
    Good flow
    Thank you for entering


  • Unbreakable3
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    This is nice you used a great topic, but a chliche topic, thank you for entering my contest and goo dluck in the others


  • The.poet.of.hearts
    July 20
    Edit | Reply
    ~


  • The.poet.of.hearts
    July 20
    Edit | Reply
    60 for Write
    15 for title
    Great Write.

    nicely penned, wish you luck
    anyway
    thanks for entering

    Out of 100 You have Achieved 75

    by
    the poet of hearts and beautiful words


  • Reptile Lady gold member
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting thoughts flow within the darkness.. the way you gave the ending
    was wonderful and expressed
    thanks for sharing with me
    Julie


  • Catacomb
    July 6
    Edit | Reply
    Again. Great entry. Need A PROMPT. And you are only allowed to enter one pre-write.


  • PuRfekly-Phlaw3d
    June 14
    Edit | Reply

    very nice!

    really good..
    i like it a lot


  • HerIcyIronicWords..
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is very imaginative. You could paint a picture in my mind!I enjoyed this poem alot!!
    Thanks for sharing & keep on writing!!


  • Cyanide Dreams
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    Great imagery in this. I liked the picture this formed in my mind. What a dark take too. When I saw the title, I thought it would be something cliche, but you took this beyond that. Great job and good luck in the contest.

    Josh

  • PianoMan
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This poem definitely inspires some intense imagery. I picture an angel in a burning place eyes cast upward begging to be returned to the place where he came from and all he has to cling to is a faint and fading "dead hope". Well done!


  • schoolsable
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    very dark and gets to the point.. great use of imagery.. i can see all of what this "fallen angel" has seen.. very great write, and keep it up


  • Enrinye
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this, it was short, to the point and you very well expressed the emotions of ''dead hope''....I'd recommend you to put it in more contests, this really deserves more comments and even a trophy

    keep up the good work
    take care
    Suza


  • The.poet.of.hearts
    June 8

    Edit | Reply
    Kind of Deep and Shallow work
    Loved It alot.
    you are too good on your work.




    by
    The Poet Of Hearts And Beautiful Words


  • Wayne Leon Learmond
    June 8

    Edit | Reply
    Ok, there is a lot of imagery involved within this piece. Dark imagery. You put scenes within my mind that I like. This piece has a heavy feeling of depression and darkness about it. Well done for this. I can feel your pain in this piece

    Dark Wishes
    Wayne Leon

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