tonightt,welieawake.

if i could,
i would curl into a ball.
i would make myself so small
my emotions would be too big.

they would flee from my body
much like a hermit crab his shell.
and i would be free.

and maybe,
if i could be small,
and i could escape my worries
and my troubles,

i could drag myself to my room.
lay in the dark.
pretend i'm tired.
maybe drift to sleep for a while.

if i could,
i would curl into a ball.
i would be so small
not even my thoughts could find me.

these thoughts that plague me with lonliness,
and worry
and despare
and longing.

i'm sick to my stomach
my brothers
my cousin
my lovie
my friends.

these are all in the tears.
they flow freely.
what's the point in stopping them?


if i was able,
i would curl into a ball.
maybe i'd be so small
these tears would pass.

if only.
if only.
i was enough for me.