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They're talking about me, it's always me
But what did I do?
I'm never sure of what's going on anymore
The world is confusing, it's almost abusing
Me, and I can't sleep anymore without wanting to die
This is agony, not knowing
With nowhere I'm going, toeing the line so precisely
But I slap on a grin just to stay in
Because I'd rather not end up in the hospital again
This is all that I am, nothing more than sin
Immortal and sick like the fetus I am
Eaten alive by the things that survive
The scavengers of middle America thrive
On my body.
I need to live normally, but it's impossible
Watch for a day and you'll see there is nothing to me
But the shell of a human.
I can't feel, I don't like it but that's all I am and all I can be
I sit another day in the subway and wait for the voices to end
But they never do, they can't think of how to,
And every agonizing moment goes by and I want to die
But it's too late and there's nothing I can say
that will make them go away and I cry
Oh, how I cried when I could feel, but now I can't feel
'Cause nothing is real, so nothing hurts
Nothing irks, nothing stings, no one notices a thing
And I sit all alone in my room
Writing truths that will never be verbalized
Chewing my peanut butter thirty times over just to satisfy
Wanting to die because the shadows annoy me and beg me
To kill this guy…but I don't want to do it
I tell them "fuck off" but they keep coming back because that's when they ask
When they get me alone they torment the hell out of me
Till I can't see and everything I can be is nothing to me
Like the way the blood flows out of my veins when I skin my knee—
It's a steady clotting of all the emotions, not laced with devotion
like the average human's feelings are
I'm nothing like them in the sense I can't feel but I know what I like—
They don't understand and for that I'm outcast, but it doesn't matter
Because no matter where I go I'm the odd one out
Just because of what I can see and so-called "mannerisms"
that strike people as odd, but it's not their problem
so why do they give a damn?
I don't know, and no, I'm not sure, I have no clue what people are like
What is it to feel, and be free from your mind?