there's just one thing i need to know
if you found me hanging in the doorway
would you cut me down or let me go..
would you let me fall apart
or reach for me and cry
tears don't pour from your heart
but right between the eyes
[when you have a camera in your hands,
everything in life becomes a picture]
there's just one thing i must resolve
would a snap shot of this steamy night
get developed or just be rid of..
would you still want me in the morning
or be gone to my surprise
when tear drops fall onto naked skin
from right between the eyes
(you have one last breath to blow,
you got one last shot to fire)
there's just one test that you must pass
if we're laying together in the dark
would you move fast or make this last..
love is not a choice you make
but a reaction, fight or flight
will you aim below the belt
or right between the eyes
A contest entry
- Make me feel you... by hisaddiction.
400 points, ended June 8, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I should have been wearing a ski mask...I robbed you. by hisaddiction.
675 points, ended July 21, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
break out the shotguns, we're riding to town...
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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YOU DID NOT FOLLOW THE RULES!!!!! lol...whatever. this poem was f'in awesome so fuck the rules. Great job!
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haha well thank you! but you told me to enter it!!
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this was deep and complex in a way that was unexpected when I clicked...i like it that you allow the reader to open up and question certain motives and actions...this is a very thought provoking piece. thank you for sharing. keep up the great work. good luck with the contest. peace and light always in ALL ways, kp
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amazed!
that was absalutleyyy amazing?
perfect i may add, just wow!
i hope you write more!!!
<33
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Wow.I do not think this poem needs any revising.It is beautiful and sad at the same time.Thank you for allowing me to find this wonderful piece and I look forward to reading more of your poems
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Got it right between the eyes, ( rt between the I's lol) cool and well this was very well done and you made the emotion very real in this.
A lot of very good, word usage and it was ,wow!, which one was the worse, ,the shot that will take you out of the game or the one that will give you the most pain possible, eerie. It was something to read and each time get something from it or read and find you missed something and all together it was very well done, and lock and load, and please write more , will look forward to it.
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thank you sir, you're very kind.
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"there's just one test that you must pass
if we're laying together in the dark
would you move fast or make this last.."
loved it dear! -
Cleverly written....loved those last lines!
will you aim below the belt
or right between the eyes...
damn...that was powerful!
ears/Seattle
GREAT WRITING!
I betcha we all read this two or three times
to enjoy how you wrote it!
well done!
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Good
Your words are simple, yet so strong and layered with emotion. You paint a picture with words that bring your experiences alive in the reader's mind. Good work!
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WoW!
After the first verse, I was braced to read about physical death. You surprised me by pulling that image sideways to an emotional death, loss of the relationship.
Only revision I would make would be to add a verse between the last two, maybe expand the "fight or flight" line.
You got me, right between the eyes.
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thank you!
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not quite sure what the title has to do with anything but the write hit me hard in the beginning. thank you for sharing this with me and i wish you well in these contests that you have entered.
viyanna rosemarie
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i rt i (rt between the i's..) haha thank you dear =)
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i like the repitition of right between the eyes it worked well with this piece
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aha
Dude...Awesome
I Loved It
Thanks for Sharing!
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damn...
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Interesting. I really love the creativity of it all. Great read.
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can anyone tell me what the title of this poem means?
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rt between the I's right between the eyes
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this sounds like a song to me - I can feel the beat of it, and the insistence of questions like riffs
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y'goddam rightskie..
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This isn't what I was looking for in this particular contest..but can I just say that this piece really moved me..i mean really moved me. I can't see who this is (its hidden from editors) But I can't tell you enough how absolutely chill this is. Thank you for the pleasure of this write.
~hisaddiction
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hey i'm glad u liked it, i appreciate that. but ya you're right, i knew exactly what i was doing tho haha, i knew it wasn't what you're looking for in the contest. but i didn't write it for the contest, i wrote it for you.
no i wasn't trying to "make love" to you, but mostly trying to sorta strike a chord in you. i don't know you at all, but maybe u just need a little convincing that you have love in you - maybe for someone in particular. maybe u just need to reach down and grab your love, pull it out of you and give it to him - whoever he is, whenever he comes along. let it all go. but
it's also kind of a thought against one-night-stands and the fact that sex can end a relationship before one even begins. been there done that. try holding out and just loving someone and maybe you'll find someone that'll just love you back, in which the last verse is about being put in a situation where you have the choice to give someone all you have in one night (aim below the belt [not to be vulgar haha]), or take your time and let things happen on their own..
anyways good luck and i'm glad u dig it and thank you
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you should enter this in the new contest I have.
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