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etched-snow goodbye

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I asked you not to pack
just yet; I wanted to
lay with you and watch
our lives spin away
into the ceiling

you drained comfort from
the walls and left them naked
for my fingers. when I
flinched at the ice, you
murmured in my hair

"the cold is something to
cherish; it will remind you
of everything we had"

when the world is dusted

amnesia, those words still

echo in my mind; to remind

me exactly what we've lost

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Author notes

P o l a j a

prompt: from when we knew nothing at all by angela.

i still avoid packing my things;

for it is still cold outside
and i can't help but wonder
if we know 'cold' only because
we've all been through a time
where we didn't know love.

70/100

A contest entry

This is a draft - be as harsh as you like.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • whiterabbit.
    August 6

    Edit | Reply
    Your writing is always stunning.
    I love this. There's just so much emotion worded perfectly. Everything here flows beautifully. The images are gorgeous and just amazing. I can't even describe it. I know I'm just rambling compliments, but they're all true.

    You're so talented and brilliant, hun.

    <3


  • heavenbird gold member
    July 30
    Edit | Reply
    this is brilliant, i'm glad i could inspire something this beautiful. :]
    thank you for entering.


  • heavenbird gold member
    June 8

    Edit | Reply
    "what if i sing you to sleep.
    what if i stay and i love and i feel-
    would you stay?


    i will not be a coward."

    -until i burn out.


    or


    "i still avoid packing my things;

    for it is still cold outside
    and i can't help but wonder
    if we know 'cold' only because
    we've all been through a time
    where we didn't know love."


    -when we knew nothing at all.

  • heavenbird gold member
    June 8
    Edit | Reply
    any preference on the poem you'd like the excerpt from? :]

1 - 5 of 5