Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Downpour

A flood filled my terrain with water
Downpours  drenched me for days
I'm lost myself and my home is gone
Swimming alone for the past months
Prayers that descend is my only friend!!
And the hope of surviving is my release
Bodies float all around me because
they've lost the will to swim.
Fate says this is my last message
Wait, a box that resembles an ark!!!
"Is it my saving grace","Or is it a mirage"
Let's call it a second chance...
Let's call it my hope....

Author notes

I just thought of something and wrote it down!! i hope that its okay..You can tell me if its not lOl

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • duana
    July 31

    Edit | Reply
    Bodies float all around me because
    they've lost the will to swim.


    I like the downpours drenched- very nice rhythem- you should use that technique more often in your poetry. I also liked the lines above because they had a surreal quality the way you placed them.

    I think the poem is good but one day this will be one of the poem you go back and revise and make even better. Not now though- I mean once you have had years of space from it.

    I know this feeling. Whatever you do never succomb to it- those prayers holding one up are powerful!


  • z etoile
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    Well bro...
    LOL this is great!
    I gotta stop writing my feelings and start writing any ole thing LOL
    Great job! keep writing!


  • raw love
    June 8
    Edit | Reply
    hope is not dead. smiles. keep it real bro, keep swimming.


  • mysticstorm gold member
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely write! You said so much of truth in so few words...we all need a second chance and what a great way to find on...well done poet.

    Best,
    mystic


  • Re-invention silver member
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    nicely penned though im not a friend of religion it is a very good hopeful poem full of strenght and belief... well done! and thanks for reading my poem


  • thecostofbelieving
    June 7
    Edit | Reply
    this is great
    it was what I needed to read


  • Poetgirl444
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow this is reallygood!!!!! it reminds me of the titanic and how people just gave up because they were to numb and cold to swim any further!!! keep it up this is great!!!!


  • Dirge for a Innocent
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    Over all I thought the message was good. What I got out of it was "Don't give up." Other than that "Is it my saving grace, or is it a mirage" <- I think that might be how you want that line written. I enjoyed this write. Keep on penning.


  • AB Dagley
    June 7
    Edit | Reply
    A good message of hanging on to hope through all the pain. Not a huge fan of the style of presentation, but I admit I'm one of those weird ones who still clings to rhyme. I have a feeling this poem is about so much more than a physical flood. This poem effectively conveys your strength, for not once does it show any sign of giving up. Good write.

1 - 9 of 9