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~ The Foster ~
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God Knows!
Could have been
a lot different!
His goodness does always,
in all ways pervade before us.
Is the catlist of all things
“Forever Prevails”!
No matter what!
Yes the ”VICTORY”! … is His man!
Not much to look at …
“I don’t know”!
Big head pail,
mess of tears
always crying!
Would like to think back then,
open mouth wide just a crying …
He knew ... ?
The Tears flowing down my face now
meet my the paulm of hand,
rolling on down filling up this thirsty thirty nine year old
empty amphora of a broken man.
As this quill in motion held in my hand,
I wade some amid the ink,
for the love given me I carry for Him now, all of you.
Can’t help it now, got to let it spill.
Yes gentle born yes Gentle,
2:04 a.m., March 17th 1970 …
I was born a Blessed baby!
Yes I have been ...
"blieving Him being in charge of it all" ...
quite lucky!
Hey go figure
I'm part Irish too!
Want to leave the beauty of this world behind me
the way that I came … !
"YOU KNOW"?
Not my choice …
entirely my fault no man …
I feel ... now!
Daddy,
had to run throug the bar,
to get home to us.
Innocent … Mamma,
was a blessing,
did whatever she could!
I can see now!
Thank God !
She was beautiful …
all I felt, was her beauty,
from what I can remember.
Too much love man I have …
to much for her … !
How to look at it?
Nightmare …
or dream!
An opportunity,
told of chance!
Better,
greater I see now …
all of it a precious gift
given as a Glorious blessing ...
lesson!
Grandma said
she always found me crying.
Madness man!
Madness!
A “Who-wha …
arriving with no clue
“Which way did he go George”! …
kind of thing”!
The spirit of the Lord …
open, always ...
you know now I know!
He saw me back there …
then, my family.
Sheltered us.
Held His hand upon us … !
Like to thank Him now …
Willing because He is …
He does this for all of us.
Watching …
waiting e'er patient!
Right there in the shadows …
because friend
grown to see I have.
Know now the security,
existing amid the warmth of it!
Covering me …
His Grace … !
As all the many storm clouds
of that day
have skidded on past!
Drifting like driftwood adrift
alonge for the ride I can see now
we are all broken …
cruzing on down a humble stream …
overhead me as I write …
Floating along
on along the river of life
in perfect unity, freedom …
they lay aloft like clouds
drifting along up-under this day
we've all been given!
Moving in time with Him …
as He breaths.
And speaks to us
and says,
“Oh friends, I am with you”.
“Children I Love you”!
“Gentle you were born!
As when in the end,
in my arms
again will you be received”.
“Don’t eat your boogers Jamie”!
“Damn it”! Their not good for you”!
Said, my “Daddy”.
“Go to your room
all of you”!
“My shelter …
became the keyhole,
right in view of Him ... her …
under the knob of my bedroom door!
An offering for me,
my lack of understanding
My big Brother!
Faster he knew, grew …
had to grow up too soon!
“Bye bye childhood,
good bye … !
Becoming just like Daddy!
The man he grew so to hate,
it filled him!
With innocent ideas,
the heart of the man born out of it ...
once a boy, a free spirit!
The “Protector”
“Saw-the-rage”!
Grabbed me …
my sitters.
Was always rushing us on over to Grandmas …
God bless him …
her!
SHHHH!
Pray!
Please!
He doesn’t know!
God has him!
The rage of this life I assume ...
still fills him …
now ...
to this very day!
He’s always been
a foster.
Was never
adopted.
“God please bless him”!
“Son …
I have him,
all of you”!
“No God …
please”!
“Hurts so bad …
don’t want to feel this
anymore”.
“Burns
my heart”!
“Want to do something …
for him, another”!
“What
can I do” … ?
“Please”
“Just want to help”!
“Understand not … I”
“Hold me Pa"!
“Hold me”!
“Cigarette burns
slaps on the back,
gone now but I remember”!
“Happened to all of us …
him … the poor thing too”!
“High pitched scream … “
”get off her””
yelled my Brother””!
“Kicking
and hitting him
trying to pull him off her”!
Poor thing …
my Mother … !
“Not her fault either” … !
“You’re my wife! Damb it”!
“Your going to give it to me
when I want it”!
“OR ELSE …
Hell man”!
“I going
to make you”!
"I'll take it"!
Please God …
He doesn’t know …
this hell …
done well done,
it is over.
Couldn’t …
didn’t know what to do
so confused terrified,
I couldn’t help either.
Just a boy man,
what could I do … ?
Why
is the sky blue?
How more blue is it
going to get?
You know … ?
He’s my “Rock”
I love him,
He kept us as safe as he could,
I owe him!
Lord help him to know …
not close the door …
leave it open!
Son your shame
is only your pride!
“You did good friend,
best you could".
Carry with you …
all of my pride
for you son … !
I’ll hold it up,
raise it up high for you now,
here is my heart …
can you see?
Let it go my son …
give it to me,
I’ll carry it for you,
your questions,
they linger.
Maybe it is not
a question of the sky being blue,
but rather ...
Son how much more blue
can it get!
I've already handled it …
your quest for it to be over,
if willing you look to be open,
paved the way,
I already have!
“Son,
"Jamie"
are you listening”?
“Won’t understand this now,
but someday you will”.
“These nice people
are going to shelter you”.
“Be good to them,
I love you”!
“We’ll all be back together soon son”,
"SOON"!
“Immeasurable is the truth …
of the heart that remains open”!
“Your need asks of you
this friend!
Remain ...
~ Open! ~
It the guide … sign post for you,
your brother sister, for all …
is ~ irrefutable ~!
Peace is eminent
~ Jamie ~!
Time is the blessing.
Not only for me Lord?
"Peace for all,
including my Daddy"?
"For them …
too"!
I’m with You son …
Ok!
Don’t need any other …
than you Alba Father.
You’re my only clarity,
my safety!
I want, need you!
Guide me …
help me hear You …
to follow I will listen!
Cannot FEEL …
or SEE,
sometimes even now!
All rage has done
is offer me fear,
even though I know this!
It’s separated me from You
My peace, security, certainty.
"But oh thank you Lord"!
The fact you gave me these tears that now I am writing!
The ears to hear, because … now … today … I can see!
Can hear you hear me?
With you Lord I know I am free … help me stay open!
Like the blue birds blue … I miss You!
Please continue even then … in those times, Lord be my shelter!
What other choice is there that I really have, ever had?
Ha!
I can see it now!
Tree falls in the woods, is never alone.
I feel it, can hear it now!
Deaf before! Unaware blind!
Know now … You are with me!
I too … we all are, never alone!
My Eyes delicate and once though Like
Saul in the Bible blinded … are so beautiful!
So thoughtful of You … Lord!
I closed them as You held me amid madness!
The sheer MADNESS … !
You hold all of us then too.
I feel safe now … You gave me like all a glorious voice!
I will pray with it, help me always please!
Insight into You Lord discernment between love and hate …
is my only journey now!
Going to climb right up on Your big old cozy lap,
place my heart there, rest beside Lay snuggled in Yours arms …
playing every part of the warmth …
mid the calmness steadiness lessons …
perfect wonder of Your HEART!
Want to give you the biggest hug and a kiss to thank
You Daddy!
Drift off to sleep there with You my Lord in peace!
Nothing kept or stolen!
Given only, never forsaken!
Everything I give it all back to you now!
All the things I have gained!
Seeds that I plant today, will grow up baring no fruit …
Without You!
My soul runs and leaps and shouts aloud Glory-Glory Lord!
Joy runs makes haste, skips now into Your Arms!
Oh how I have missed You!
Daddy, up your arms I want to clime … !
Want to see how fast I can run up … to kiss You Daddy!
Two roads merge along in a wood becoming
one together are brought to know a journey common! …
Blazing the trail before me, You never left my side.
No, I know now …!
Couldn’t have gotten here any quicker.
I took the one needing ware … so happy I am now!
Elated!
Thank you buddy, *Robert Frost*
because bold is this gentle truth …
~ “Irrefutable”! ~
To all the people that I have harmed
in the journey to get here!
“God has me ... now”!
You too friend!
Takes a village to rear him up!
A man of Hate!
Pray please … keep praying.
Saw only madness!
So Pray!
Please?
Because it was all I knew …
I passed what I knew around!
Got poisoned by it … lived my life for a time,
as I moved solely within it!
Knew no love for a time, rejected it!
Reacted to life, carried these fiery eyes …
computer eyes, filled with my own bitterness.
Sorry now I know … they obscured the view of you!
God in His goodness too!
To every one … yes all … !
All I can do now … is thank you!
Ask your mercy … forgiveness if you could?
Your gentle hands, words of love …
has saved me, yes I tell you … my life!
So along now with God, I pray for you
His peace joyous repose of it … !
It’s out there now!
When open as well to it …
to claim it in all ways, may it always be yours,
Gods love carry you friends!
Yes all of you … everyone living together with God!
In perfect unity ... one in the same!
“Life’s indeed inspiring”!
“God being the catalyst” … !
Author notes
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~ e v e r y o n e 1 ~
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Author notes
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~ e v e r y o n e 1 ~
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A contest entry
- Contest for a friend... by islekine.
400 points, ended June 25, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - deal with it by Rae2732.
420 points, ended June 25, 94 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - god-forsaken is beautiful too by onerios13.
750 points, ended June 22, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let Me Prompt You. :D by XxLoverOfDarknessxX.
1500 points, ended June 12, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - In search of inspiration! by RestlessDreamer.
700 points, ended June 27, 133 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - OOOPS! by condor.
1400 points, ended July 3, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Feel Baby by KelsBabez.
700 points, ended June 10, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Because of you I am afraid. (Another sexual abuse contest) by AshleyAesthetic.
400 points, ended June 21, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Preretites Prewrites! by pain is love..
560 points, ended June 13, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Unlived Life by bookworm987.
400 points, ended June 26, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lovin this thang called flow... by Lively Matter.
1200 points, ended June 23, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Earth: Hope by crivanea.
400 points, ended June 24, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspired by Maya Angelou? Write about it! by The Fun House.
450 points, ended July 18, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Why you should live by Patched Up Ragdoll.
900 points, ended July 12, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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I like the piece, though it is very long it kept my attention. I just am not sure how it relates to my contest
But it does make an impact which is a great thing indeed.
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I really like this one too, but It's a tossup as to which I like better. I love the way in your poetry you leave specifics out, it really gives the image that you're talking to God, because it's like...you know he knows what you mean, so you don't have to fill it all in for him. Well done
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"Don't eat your boogers Jamie"! "Damn it! Their not good for you"! I don't inderstand why this part is in the poem. Perhaps I am just ignorant. I have no formal training in poetry. The next three lines I don't understand either. But I liked it generally. I was a medic during the Veitman thing. I've seen people die in front of me. It's nothing pretty. In fact it's discussting! I liked the imagery and the praise for God.
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Thanks for entering!
Best wishes always!
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this in fact...is not the longest poem i read on AP..lol..the poem is well written..full of content that i'm certain r personal to the poet...good job connecting the pieces
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I think, that is the longest poem/story on allpoetry that i have ever read in my life! Although it would take me 5 or 6 reads to gather all the details perfectly, I do feel that i very much enjoyed this piece! I just love how you wrote it, thanks for entering
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This was really good if a bid on the long side. Thank you for your entry
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Wow! This was certainly a different take on the picture than all my other entries and one that was filled with a lot of raw emotion. I can very well feel your sadness and sorrow at what has happened. I too had a very ugly childhood being ripped away from my family, but i believe i have come through a well adjusted person. This whole write was incredibly sad and showed the tears that you have cried through the years. The hardship, the pain and the senlessness. I can well see you as the tank derailed in life. I do hope that you find some peace in all your pain and thank you so much for entering the contest. The best of luck.
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I dont see a "once used and abused" in your Authors notes. I will have to DQ.
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Im sorry, I couldnt read this very well. I like how unique you took it, but I got so lost with all the puncuation in the middle of verses and elipses....
Great overrall theme though. Very inspirational.
Thank you for entering =) -
good luck
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Option please.
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very sad! I can relate to much of this. keep praying and He shall heal!
Peace and Love
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Hi!
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unique style and perspective, artful and raw, shows what people grab on to when there seems to be little else...
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For the life of me I can't figure out the connection between this piece and that tank. I tried, believe me, each line I read I kept thinking to myself that it would be the next line that gave me the clue, but that next line never came. I have to assume after reaching your author notes that you just entered this into every contest that allowed prewrites without looking to see what the contest required. That's good I guess, with that list you are bound to get lucky and find one that suits the poem. As for the poem, I walk away from it with a feeling of sadness. That really surprises me as the title would not indicate that response prior to reading. ( not a bad thing I like to be surprised)
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God knows ... it could have been different!
War is hell, espsecially one recruted for, one should have never had to fight. Wont fight anymore. Bitterness friend is murder, all it does is sideline forever ... or kill what was intended as a free spirit.
The Tank is me ... and the helplessness I felt for these 39 years ... the Tank is the tears.
So buy this in it's intention, or don't ... 39 years blind, to me too, some time to see it!
Thank you for reading it!
God bless you!
Love: ~ James ~
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My comment was not meant to offend you, so let me first apologize for my brutal honesty since it is obvious that it has. ( you asked for constructive critisism and I was only simply telling you what my first impression of the poem was as I was reading it and then what my second impression was when I got to the author notes.) I am even more saddened by your response, having thought about the poem itself and then looking at this reponse, it really changes the way I view the poem now. You say and I quote, " Bitterness friend is murder, all it does is sideline forever ... or kill what was intended as a free spirit.", in the first portion of your response and yet toward the end of the response your bitterness shows quite clearly when you state, ( again I quote )" So buy this in it's intention, or don't ... "
As a 100% disabled veteran, I am all too familar with the cost of war, I too shed tears. But I shall hope I don't lash out at others and then justify it by sealing with the phrase " God Bless You" and signing my name because although unlike you if my clock were turned backwards and my country asked me to serve them again and I knew that my outcome would be the same, well... I would do it all over again and I would still be serving both my country and my God willingly!
I am sorry for the pain that you suffer, rather it be physical or emotional.
I do hope that perhaps one day you will find a way to allow God to help you
overcome that pain. Tears can be a cleansing ritual ( I know guys don't like to cry)
if allowed to release that which is locked away, try it, just trust someone who has been there. Each day take a couple minutes and go by yourself and make a commitment to release something new, rather it be a memory or a bitterment that you have been harboring. When your couple minutes are up and you wipe the tears away, then you take a minute to thank God for something that is the exact opposite of what you just cleansed. That way when you walk away you are not in the negative mood, but rather the positive mood. Your conversation with God is nothing but positive! I hope you will try this technique, a very wise man handed it down to me when I was having trouble coping, it saved my life ( literally). I now am handing it down to you because I don't want to see you wrecking anymore tanks sir.
Please know that I have written this all with intentions of good, there is no intent of harm or evil, My heart goes out to you sir. I wish you well.
Suzi
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wow...this piece, it left me speechless beyond words, which is a very hard thing to do. i loved it! so much passion. this touched my heart immensely. keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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I'm speechless...
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Well...what does one say to all that? lol To be honest, this isn't quite what I had in mind...but I will say that I did appreciate the passion in this piece. It was quite overwhelming actually and so I thought if nothing else I would say it was heart-felt and interesting.
Thank you for entering. -
This so touched my heart
So many in this world are directed wrongly in childhood and thus they feel their is no way out and become what they so hated yet indeed God was always there sending guardean angels about you trying to help guide you and keep you from harming yourself and others untill your blind eyes were opened and love flowed in and touched your soul .
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