I want to write something romantic
Something that illustrates the stars within my eyes
I want to write something beautiful
Like this feeling of flight within me
To create the smoothest touch
Of your soft skin and have your every nuance
Linger
Still long after I have finally walked away
Words to travel your spine
Hinder your voice
So that I could watch your eyelids sink
And a smile form upon your lips
I want to write words that touch you
The way I have never touched anyone before
The way my hands are yet to discover
Your body heat in the palm of my hand
Upon your bared skin
Bringing you pleasure
Bringing you laughter
I want to discover her
Soul
A contest entry
- Constructive Criticism. by Blue-Rose Beauty.
580 points, ended August 21, 2009, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I want to write something romantic
Something that illustrates the stars within my eyes
Those were very beautiful lines.
Your body heat in the palm of my hand
Upon your bared skin
Very descriptive and a nice way to put this.
I like this poem, it's sensual and loving and sweet. It expresses love you want to give to a person but it's so hard to get the right words out.
Nice poem and thanks for entering -
love it
This one is really good too,
I wish I had your talent!
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Well done. On the next to last line, you might want to change "her" to "your." Or, you could change "your" to "her" in the rest of the poem.
Vivid imagery. This has a sad "lost love" feeling about it . . . hot teared regret.
Garrison
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Thank you for your comment. Althought I like the change from yo and your to her. Because at first the poem was faceless and the moment to put "her" clicked in I suddenly saw the face in my mind of the women this poem had been inspired by. But thank you very much for your opinion! Have a goodnight!
<3Jenny
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Great poem I enjoyed reading it.
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