At first, our attachment is anxious -
hands reach, latch on, lock in place
force down, pull up, trapping us -
"Don't leave; I know you will!"
Then we retreat and take a moment to
prepare ourselves for the next attempt.
Astonished, shy, curious, delighted,
feeling, examining, testing, enjoying...
"I like this. I want more."
Soon, unrehearsed, untimed, unaware
we move closer, closer, closer together
the movement of one shadowing the other
slipping out of ourselves into each other
legs entwine, arms embrace, mouths lock
"I want. That. Yes. That. Yes."
there is no you or I or we
time no longer exists
eyes close and hearing fades
speech reduced to single words
and then to grunts and cries
and then only breathing
limbs melt and meld and disappear
skin fuses and there is no separation
the struggle and the pounding and the rushing
and the aching and the yearning
until
nirvana
now
soon
not yet no not yet
slowly the minds reawaken
the desire to move
and to be separate
movement and memory
this cannot last forever
"Mmm, that was wonderful."
The flesh distinguishes itself.
Limbs unfurl, and senses return.
Sighs and groans turn into whispers.
An alarm rings. We look at the clock.
"Shit. I was supposed to leave hours ago."
You mutter under your breath.
I turn away. My eyes fill now with tears:
tears of bitterness and abandonment.
"Good night."
Your back retreats from me; you shrink until
you disappear.
I grieve, and then...I...
Perish.
How did this poem make you feel?
Comments
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Hi Muirghiel,
This is the first poem of yours that I have read. I wanted to return to you the compliment you gave by reading and commenting my poem - much appreciated.
I find your poem 'Until Nirvana' to be very reflective, considered and measured. I liked how the tempo varied through-out your poem - possibly to reflect the changing mood?
I have two favourite lines:
"the movement of one shadowing the other
slipping out of ourselves into each other"
These lines contain, for me, a great depth of tenderness and sensuality!!
Your last couple of lines I find quite sad:
"I grieve, and then...I...
Perish."
I ask respectfully 'why?'
Very thoughtful writing - well done,
Liveddog. -
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"Until Nirvana" contains many layers for me. I'm a student of Psychology, so everything is tied one way or another to birth, or death, or both simultaneously. It is believed that we experience a sort of death and also bereavement when we are first parted from Mother, and we re-experience this each time we are parted from a parent, a friend, a beloved pet, a romantic companion. So note how these individuals, at first separate and speaking like adults, then slip into child-like wonder and parallel play, then into infantile oneness with the other, unable to distinguish between self and other or understand what either means. And then, separation, childlike stubbornness in individuality, then utter alienation as adults.
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Hi Muirghiel,
Thank you for your response - I am pleased to get it. You have an interesting perspective. I agree largely with what you say except for your conclusion:
"And then, separation, childlike stubbornness in individuality, then utter alienation as adults."
Do you believe in this conclusion? I think there is "utter alienation" for those who have never felt love in their lives or have chosen to give up.
Contact with life means getting in touch with both the sacred and the profane of humanity, and then to possibly journey in our lives knowing that we do have a choice to invest in either/both the sacred and/or the profane.
All the best,
Liveddog.
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Insightfully expressed. Our fears constantly impose upon us, causing feelings to impact our behaviours, which, in turn, impact on others and their emotional well being. Life is composed of such complications, yet if we allow ourselves, there are such incredible moments of wonder too. Your write expresses in depth, both of these experiences. Very nice write.
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