Your azure eyes sparkled dazzling blades, cutting open soft, pale skin that clung to my bones. The determination I had to impress you told me it was OK. The ghosts that haunt my mind reminded me in hushed whispers, if you didn't hurt me, I would.
It felt like being kissed in the pouring rain during summer, so I smiled.
Your strong hands braided the rope, your gentle touch tied it into a noose, and your heart-melting smile placed in around my neck. I laughed when you kicked the bucket that held my life suspended. A far away tree fell over and broke in half with a snap the same time my heart did. The broken neck hurt less than watching you walk away.
Thanks for your help killing all the butterflies in my stomach that had always held me back. I didn't have the courage to do it myself.
Author notes
e x p l a i n . e v e r y t h i n g
Song - Breaking the Girl by Red Hot Chili Peppers
A contest entry
- Assisted Self-Harm (picture, song, and idea prompts) by LovelyTraces.
2100 points, ended June 13, 41 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sick of prompts?? click here by Maggie Kay.
400 points, ended June 13, 49 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Every Night I Go Looking For You by knots untangled.
1050 points, ended July 3, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything goes by Dryad Enya.
650 points, ended June 26, 40 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Must Be Crazy -- Prewrites by ladybug..
1000 points, ended June 25, 105 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Power and Grace. by ResplendentCloud.
1200 points, ended June 26, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspire Me by Axel Gold.
400 points, ended July 4, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES Options Options Options!!! PREWRITES by Minstrel-Morose.
1100 points, ended July 16, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Wow. This was just amazing. Your creative comparrisons just made this such an intriguing poem to read. I loved it. =]
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i loved the last line.
the first section made me think of myself. it kindof hurt to read.
nice write :] -
Oh my. That was deep, dark, and it's written very lovely. I like the emotion that came out in this poem. Not the emotion itself, but the way the writting conveyed it.
The broken neck hurt less than watching you walk away.
You say alot without getting two wordy, and I have to applaud you on your metaphors
Thanks for your help killing all the butterflies in my stomach that had always held me back. I didn't have the courage to do it myself.
I get the feeling this person wasn't really supposed to kick that bucket out from underneath.
Very well done, Thank you for entering my contest 
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I am not really found of poetry like this normally I like formed poetry of some sort, but this flowed well thanks for entering
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I was not fond of this after the first sentence but you soon changed my mind. One of the most powerful bits of prose I've read in a while.
Finalists list.
Thank you for your entry!
--Katie. -
Thank you so much for your entry and good luck in your other contests
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oh. Oh my. I love this. A lot. Its really good!
"The ghosts that haunt my mind reminded me in hushed whispers, if you didn't hurt me, I would."
It's lovely. it's like hardcore optimism =] she is letting herself be murdered and still finding the silver lining good good job -
...i don't know what to think about this..i'm kinda horrify by the way it ended..but wow..you sure know how to draw an audience..what a different for killing butterflies in the stomach..good write
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Alot of interesting points raised, like killing and not being able to do it yourself. very intriguing.
Thank you for entering.
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Well done
This is very well written. I loved the way you tied the title into the last stanza and how the whole piece seemed so sincere, almost as if it was the polished version of a freewrite vent of some sort. That last sentence really got me, good job there.
One thing that kind of irked me though was in the very first line there should not be a semicolon after "dazzling blades", it should instead be a comma. I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to punctuation, sorry.
Anyway, other than that I thought this was really a very good piece. Nice job here
Axel Gold
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i knew that, grammatically, the semi-colon was incorrect. but the comma just looked kinda weird too...i had debated it with myself, and i guess decided on just using the semi-colon...however, i changed it just now if it makes me feel better. =]
im glad you like this. its prolly one my personal favourites of my own words so far... -
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lol thanks for the change.
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this was an interesting take on euthanasia. The imagry was stunning, and the last stanza was perfection! Best of luck in my contest :
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""Your azure eyes sparkled dazzling blades; cutting open soft, pale skin that clung to my bones."
My favorite part.
thanks so much for entering, best of luck. -
Wow. There is so much emotion & imagery in this.
I.love.it.
"Your azure eyes sparkled dazzling blades; cutting open soft, pale skin that clung to my bones."
What a way to start; thanks for sharing! -
I am stuggling to find words here, i have found, read, three poems i all want to give gold to but i'm wayward here and want to hand it to you. As i must finish reading all the other's i'll just take my hat of and submit to your performace here.
I am stunned into a leap of silence and i am willing to follow your butterflies, help me, i am not able to, help me follow them...
Good luck,
Gorecki -
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thank you. wow. im really glad you liked it so much...im flattered. =]
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Ah...so it's you! I should have known before I went looking for the poet. SIGH!!!!
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hmmm? what do you mean "before i went looking for the poet?"
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That was simply beautiful. The pain mixed with the ability to move on was so clearly shown. I love the last line most because of the shear joy that came with such hurt in the speakers thoughts. Wonderfully written, Good luck,
Stephanie -
"Your strong hands braided the rope, your gentle touch tied into into a noose, and your heart-melting smile placed in around my neck"
This line was very powerful, but the double into takes away from it, if you go back and take one out it will be much more effective
this is full of imagery and it is sadly beautiful, I like your take on Breaking the Girl, because here "the girl" is literally broken
good job and good luck
-meg -
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that was just a typo i had overlooked. thank you for catching it. no one else had. =] im glad you liked it.
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wow ok i have fallen in love with this piece. so sad but you have done an absolutely brilliant job on this. i love the way you have made it out as being him that has caused it. he was the one to braid the rope...
this is amazing and has stunned me i just cant find the right words to say how much i like it. thanks so much for entering
kmp
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wow...heartbreaking. I liked the part where he kicked the bucket. Nice write thanks for entering
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Oh my god. This was heartwrenching. The way you described the act so calmly, and you described his good features, as he's doing this to you was incredibly powerful. This is very unique, and I hope you realize how truly profound it is.
My absolute favorite part was:
"Your azure eyes sparkled dazzling blades; cutting open soft, pale skin that clung to my bones"
That was so descriptive, and such a perfect beginning to this poem, it's unbelievable. Great job on this. Thankyou for your entry.
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