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Deaf Disparity

My deaf voice soaks
into gloved walls,
sliding away before I can
say what I mean
to say, or feel; I'm silent and
my eardrums ring.

My lethargic voice ebbs
subtly into nothing,
empty before I can
feel what I mean
to say or feel, I can't
say or feel a thing.

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Muirghiel
    June 7

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    You must have changed the title, I swear it was "Vocal Deafness" but now it's "Deaf Disparity".

    Silence can be very loud. That odd high-pitched hum you can hear when you don't hear anything else: the ghost of sound.

    Deafness is very strange. There is still the sensation of sound, the pressure in your ears and on your skin and through your being. You speak, and your throat moves, but there is no sound.

    How tragic to lose one's voice! How horrible to be mute! You do not get the vindication, the validation, of hearing your own sound. Eventually you give up, and die. A vocal and aural death.


    • madgirlslovesong
      June 7
      Edit | Reply
      I did change the title. I didn't like "Vocal Deafness" very much, and I thought "Deaf Disparity" had a nice ring to it. Probably due to the alliteration. I'm always a sucker for alliteration.
      That is an interesting paradox between the absence v. the feeling of sound.
      Did you like the poem then?


      • Muirghiel
        June 8
        Edit | Reply
        I liked the poem very much. I would love to know what inspired it.

        • madgirlslovesong
          June 8
          Edit | Reply
          Thanks!
          Does it ever happen to you that you're out with friends or at a party or something, and a sort of wall just springs up around you and you feel like you can't communicate with the people around you to save your life? That you can't think of a thing to say, and your mind's empty, and your voice doesn't seem to work anymore? And the people around you seem far away and unreachable?
          That's the feeling that inspired it.


  • individuality gold member
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    methinks here you are having a pop at me good one. i am all for humour in poetry if it is done correctly

    • madgirlslovesong
      June 7
      Edit | Reply
      Are YOU trying to have a pop at ME? How does this poem seem remotely humorous?
      I am not trying to challenge you or anything, I am just very curious what made you say that.


  • Red Rocket
    June 7
    Edit | Reply

    Good

    "empty before I can
    feel what I mean"

    It's frustrating to not feel symmetrical and cunning; its worse in silence. There is a saying to consider: "To gain your own voice, forget about having it heard. Become a saint of your own province and your own consciousness (Allen Ginsberg)." Interesting write here.

1 - 7 of 7