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~This Very Moment~

 

 

 

I am the
stillness in the cool

night air


 

 

 You

 

the current
running through my soul,
my heart. 

 

 　

 

Resonating the moons

rays, as it kisses the lonely

part of me.

　

 

　

 

from afar,

I hear music, glasses clinking,

laughter, lights down by the

hillside

 

　

 

 

songs

I long to hear, the breaths

we take together, and whispers of

forever embedded in my mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I toast to the darkness with a

cool Moscato, and watch other lives

happen. 

 

 

 

 

 

knowing Just about right now

this very moment.

This place is the loneliest place

to be.

 

 

 

 

[without you].

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 54 of 54

  • John Faulkner
    October 26

    Edit | Reply
    I like the structure in this..The breaks you utilize work very well.You seduce the intimacy of lonliness, and the total seclusion of it.You are able to portray your emotions in a very sensual manner; to intice the reader to ponder your thoughts and intent..your message to them..You invite them into your mind for a spell..You have the ability to capture their attention, and not release them until you are finished with them..This is the edge an effective poet has over others.You seem to get this..Good for you.Your words are like diamonds, almost blinding to the reader..congrats..keep writing..I know you will.


    John


  • Illiterate Bastard
    October 19

    Edit | Reply

    Nice piece....

    I have not been writing long, nore have I been writing much lately. But I have been inspired by this work. I like it very much. thanx for taking the time to read my poem, but even more thanx for sharing!

  • Topnotchsy
    September 15
    Edit | Reply
    knowing Just about right now
    this very moment.
    This place is the loneliest place
    to be.


    [without you].

    Wow!!


  • penman gold member
    September 15
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Wow, what a great write. And so very well done. Congrats on the silver.


  • Rose Angel gold member
    September 11

    Edit | Reply
    Coming back to read..This one takes the cake...I just love this one...Soooooooo romantic! Mom


  • Xianaria gold member
    August 9
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful, Rend ~
    I can totally relate, loved it! Congrats on the Silver!

    ~ Tim


  • jackreed3 gold member
    August 7
    Edit | Reply
    To bad you lonelyness is not with me...lol.... your friend in poetry JackReed3...


  • SteveS gold member
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    The image of people in the distance laughing and drinking away from the still dark vantage point truly enhances the sadness and longing in this piece. Last line...simple, but tons of depth. Well done.


  • voodoo ink Greeters member
    June 19
    Edit | Reply
    I did, I found my comment, so I commented twice...

  • voodoo ink Greeters member
    June 19
    Edit | Reply
    Hmmmm, I thought I had commented on this...I could have swore I did, oh well...I like this piece alot...it shows the poet reflecting on her life as it once was and how it is now...beautifully written, my dear friend...

    Blessed Be,
    Jeremy (raven)


  • Aalta silver member
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome.... the powerful images are the high point of your poetry.... and the way you have given a neat space between the verses .. makes the loneliness of the emotions and the despair eye catching and heartbreaking....
    a great piece of work
    cheers

  • midnightblue1272
    June 16

    Edit | Reply

    *whistles*

    That was amazing. It describes what I feel for my beloved, who's several hundred miles away from me. Very well done.


  • CrystalLizard
    June 16

    Edit | Reply
    I love how you set up the stanzas to drip down the page, because the reader has to focus on each individually and cannot simply skim through. You've imbued each phrase with darkened power and imagery, and the ending is simply stunning.


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      August 7
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for your comments
      and i so sorry i am late replying

      Blessings

      Rend


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      August 7
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much for stopping by,
      i am so behind replying
      Blessings

      Rend


  • catz Moderators member
    June 16

    Edit | Reply
    Moment by moment we live our lives, the 'now' being all there is.
    Fortunate are those of us who have someone with whom to share each of these moments, lonely the ones who have no one to share, even if only for a moment.

    A wonderful piece This is what the poem brought to me.

    Dee

    • Rend the Veil gold member
      June 16
      Edit | Reply
      and it was what it intended, thank you so much for your comment Catz
      it will always be a pleasure to have you read,

      Much blessings

      Rend


  • awannabepoet
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    You have touched something truly deep with this poem, there are so many that sit and watch life being lived by others while they remain trapped by the paralzing fear of rejection or being socialy inept.


    "I toast to the darkness with a
    cool Moscato, and watch other lives
    happen. "

    I see a dog walking along the fence here he is looking at the people on the otherside and yet he cannot jump nor bark nor make a sound.

    Just giving in those lost wishes and feelings of inadequacy, sipping some wine and living from afar.

    I like it, I like it so!

  • Rose Angel gold member
    June 14
    Edit | Reply
    The emotions and imagery here is stunning....yet the loneliness grabs one reading it...The desire for happiness runs through the whole piece...You have tapped into that power to move our hearts as you always do, Rend. keep penning luv...Mom


  • Joshua DePesa
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    I love how the story is clear, and how it flows so well so it can roll off of the tongue(:

    Kudos


  • Antebellum
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    "I am the
    stillness in the cool
    night air"

    wonderful imagery here.

    Love hoew you end this the

    [without you]

    adds strength to this.
    :]


  • Re-invention silver member
    June 11

    Edit | Reply
    this reminded me so much of Nights in Rodanthe idk why lol this was lovely sis as always your writes captivate me well done!

    • Rend the Veil gold member
      August 7
      Edit | Reply
      wow way back in june! i am so very sorry i really dropped the ball on this one!
      i have to go by and leave a comment on yours cause i so apreciate your visits
      sis, thank you so much

      Blessings and Love

      Rend


  • Daizee silver member
    June 8

    Edit | Reply
    and watch other lives happen.. Those words just ache with sadness.


  • Mistress Leala silver member
    June 8
    Edit | Reply
    OMG! HUn! So brilliant and creative and wow, this was mesmerizing. I loved it.


  • motel silver member
    June 8

    Edit | Reply

    the wrenching quality of despair and loneliness that can truly pervade at certain points in our lives.
    thanks and good luck in the contest.


  • Dragonbabyx3
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my, this is amazing! It screams of heartache, and pain- making me cry along with it. You did such an amazing job on the imagery. Beautiful job! and good luck in the contest, but I dont think you will need it!

    • Rend the Veil gold member
      June 8
      Edit | Reply
      its does seem its taken me all night to get to you.
      but i believe i have saved the best for last,
      now my sweets thank you from the bottom of my heart,

      blessings always to you

      Rend


  • David J Martin gold member
    June 7

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    Wonderfully written; superbly presented. I loved "I toast to the darkness with a
    cool Moscato, and watch other lives
    happen." Toasting to the darkness is certainly a unique concept. Great imagery throughout made for a very entertaining read. Nicely done.

    David.


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      June 8
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for coming by to comment, and applause
      Blessings always

      Rend

  • voodoo ink Greeters member
    June 7

    Edit | Reply

    Today's Featured Poem!!!

    This is really nice and also has a sadness to it! I have been here in this land of solitude, I know it can be peaceful but can be dreaded, too...I am featuring this for "Today's Poem"....

    Blessed Be,
    Raven

    • Rend the Veil gold member
      June 8
      Edit | Reply
      Jeremy.

      Thank you so much for featuring me!
      you have blessed me time and again,

      you are a sweeties,

      Blessings always to you and yours

      Rend


  • Swangrnv gold member
    June 7

    Edit | Reply

    Powerful!!

    This is totally enthralling my friend, a very sad and lonely piece, yet so stunningly beautiful at the same time... it's headed straight to my list of TOP FAVS. BY FAVS.

    • Rend the Veil gold member
      June 7
      Edit | Reply
      Awwww I am so humbled, you are my first thank you so much Swan,
      speechless thank you for your comments and Applause

      Blessings

      Rend


  • Cannonsfire
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    This is so sad hun, makes me feel a pang in the pit of my stomach... C


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      June 8
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your ongoing support and encouragement,
      I knew you would understand, my friend


  • DeJaBlue gold member
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    A very beautiful write. I love the feeling and emotions throughout. Good luck in the contest.

    • Rend the Veil gold member
      June 8
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much for your comment, i went to see your goodies and i couldnt help my self, I was treated to some tastsy delights Thank you

      Blessings

      Rend


  • poppa
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    beautiful yet tragic ... resonates with sensuality too... good luck in the contest

    • Rend the Veil gold member
      June 7
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much for your comment, I went looking to repay you and I
      finally found something I mistakenly over looked, blessings to you always

      Rend


  • Glasyalabolas
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    This is very sensuous but also heart-rending. Excellent choice of words and pacing, very beautiful and relatable.

    Good write.

    • Rend the Veil gold member
      June 7
      Edit | Reply
      thank you, for your comment, i will return the favor, when i finished her,
      Loneliness is hard to overcome! but in the night, it just seems to intensify
      and with the new day, it doesn't feel so bad,

      Blessings

      Rend


      • Glasyalabolas
        June 7
        Edit | Reply
        I tended to feel it really bad all the time, dependant on the circumstances.


  • ariazephyrzoe gold member
    June 7
    Edit | Reply
    this is just so beautiful



    Anna Lee

    • Rend the Veil gold member
      June 7
      Edit | Reply
      Anna Lee thank you so much, i will be there shortly
      to return the fav, you are a sweeties for stopping

      Rend


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    You did a wonderful job writing this. I love all of the imagery and thought that you put into it. A sad but beautifully written piece from the heart. Thank you very much for your entry, I really appreciate it! Good luck to you in my contest!




    Jeremy0826

    • Rend the Veil gold member
      June 7

      Edit | Reply
      i am so excited! you always make me feel just wonderful Jeremy!
      your comments are so uplifting and positive,

      Blessings

      Rend


  • thepoetssoul
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful work, love the feel of this poem.
    Splendidly written indeed, smile always

    Tony

1 - 54 of 54