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transparent heart *still under construction lol )

i see throughyour transparent heart
cold and empty
forever void of love

seek redemption in my heart
where it will engulf you
in luminescent virginity

the thunder of regret silenced
my innocence embraces you
filling your transparent heart

Author notes

Words.... all of em'

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Comments


  • consumedbydawn
    November 25, 2009
    Edit | Reply

    lovely

    even though it's not finished...its awesomely said. transparent heart...lovely lovely lovely

  • lyrebird
    June 20, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    A well- written piece.

    luminescent virginity
    I liked the juxtaposition of those two words.

    Small typo:
    throughyour ---> through your

    ♥


  • Lonesome Dove
    June 6, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    i did rush the ending.... sorry it's that obvious *rolls eyes at self... i'll revise and re-enter soon... thank you for a second chance


  • My Last Breath.x
    June 6, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    Judge's Verdict.

    I kind of seems like you were in a rush to write this poem, and that you were so focused on using the prompt words in the poem, that you didn't really think about what you were writing....Maybe revise a bit and get back to me?

    Good luck in the contest.