((This is for all and anyone who is manic depressive,suicidal,and are in love/hate relationships.))
I am sitting here alone
Death is waiting
I am convinced
your anticipating
you haven't loved me since
we were dating
my pretense
we are fading....
(the fire starts)
The embers dance
I am certain
this is my only chance
I am hurting
face the facts
we aren't working
I see your face
why are you worrying?
(time goes on)
Blade before me
dragging slowly
vein is bleeding
blood is falling,falling...down
Second vein is cut
I am now dying
I see your face again
you are crying
then you say you love me
you are lying
I cough a little bit
it's almost done
Life support is gone
your no longer my problem
death is pending
I'm non-responsive
life is ending
you can stop pretending
that you love me
I have no feelings
(I am healing)
Blade before me
dragging slowly
veins are bleeding
blood is falling,falling...down
Through the atmosphere
I am waiting
for your presence
it is baiting
never will she know
my true feelings
I see her now
she is grieving
now is the time
I am leaving
I am looking down on her
I am whispering
I love her...
but never will she know...
never will she know...
Blade before me (2x)
dragging slowly
veins are bleeding
blood is falling,falling...down
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Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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this is true thats the sucky thing about it. no matter what someone always loves you even if you really dont think they do. try to keep the hope in your heart
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i think this is creative and i think many people can relate to this. it had a good flow and i followed it very easily. i enjoyed it a lot, good job.
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So I was asked to read and SO did not expect a poem of this, genre? I think that word fits... o.o
Enough with my weird one or two sentence ramble...
This was a marvelously written poem. Such a vivid imagery of the actions being done. The sorrow, pain and heartache was just, just... gah I can't think of a word... ~pouts~. The flow was wonderful, and the meaning was true. I must say, coming from you *did not mean to make it seem like I was rhyming* it is so beautiful. No offense. You just don't take me as the heart-breaking poet type. Hehehe.
Nevertheless, I was caught into the poem from the first verse to the last. Each word making an anticipation of what will come fill me. I could just feel the emotions, perhaps even relate... I really have no clue what else to say except, marvelous poem.
Keep up the good work.
Btw, when did you start calling me Roli-Poli?
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Ah.
I like it. Its dark, and yeah, depressing.
But it does get the point across.
I like it alot. I liked the repetitive parts and at the end of some stanzas the lines in parentheses.
It adds effect.
Great write.
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I do hope you are not cutting whilst you wrote this, it's even more depressive to begin with if you actually cut, I should know, it was an old habbit of mine. But still although I could say this poem is actually great I could also say cheer up a bit, life is not over with a non working relationship, if that was the case there would be no more people left in the world to love. We all suffer with relationships such as these afterall nothing is perfect in this world, there is always going to be grief, pain, blood and more cuts to an arm.
Keep up the work and never feel afraid to let the world know how you feel.
{Akemi's signiture goes here} -
This was adorable. :] But still sad. So, I liked it. It would be a good song.
And, as Sophie said, it makes me wonder. lol.
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Wow, Michael. Makes me wonder.
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This is full of sadness and grief.I can feel the emotions and it makes me feel as I am right there beside the dying man.This is a very well written poem and it could be a beautiful song my friend.I love it,Great Job
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good poem man, longer than i would have writen. dude, is this one about someone we know or just for anyone?
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Dante this is well done. There is a great deal of feeling with in this poem.... I hope everything is alright in your world.
"Through the atmosphere
I am waiting
for your presence
it is baiting
never will she know
my true feelings
I see her now
she is grieving
now is the time
I am leaving
I am looking down on her
I am wispering
I love her...
but never will she know...
never will she know..."
This is the part I like best I did notice one mistake though WISPERING should be WHISPERING. Other then that I didn't see anything that wasn't good.l -
OMG I LOVE IT!!! do you mind if i use is in a poem book i am still trying to put together?
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I like this alot at first i was thinking it was about mitsuko but as i kept reading, i relised it wasnt beacuse dante didnt die and mitsuko didnt grive (even though dante did die she was un aware) Anyway i really like this alot...i can see the picture before me of a guy cutting his wrists (or something) and a girl griving over him and his spirit is looking down on her whispering i love u but she'll never know...yep...anyway good job...^.^
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I'm assuming these are lyrics for a song?
any way....
these words are strong, they cut deep and pentrate the heart with an odd irony. I can only wonder what it was that brought this one on, but any who, this is a good piece, not exactly a style or write that i like but it's a good flow, and a good choice of words, the back ground and font colour could be improved a little, so it's easier to read (considering i have a really dodgy screen, so i had a little trouble reading it to it's full extent, so maybe that could change, but still it's your choice)
It seems you had a bit of a play here with some of it but thats what this is all about, overall not my taste but it's well done
good job Mike
~Dani~
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