I feel unclean with this lust, this desperation, for human wreckage.
The recollection of sadistic sorcery flourishes pain,
meaningless rebuttals of non-existent justice,
and the birth of another demon.
Will you close your eyes and tell me you love me,
or will you say it to me with an open heart-
and remain oblivious to the perpetual source of death,
stringing me the eeriest of a violin's hymn.
Your face is pretty as a swastika as we kiss;
it's meaningless to point out your hatred-
because you'd only try to kill me like a faceless monster with two heads.
Blow away dandelion seeds like they were our own seeds;
prodigies that will never come into existence-
because we're too hateful to face ourselves;
because we're too conceited to overt our eyes from ourselves-
and pay attention to the ones that should really love us.
The insubstantial aura embraces me like a nightmare and I can't wake up.
Your voice is like gunshots and screams.
Reveries are pointless, I'd only be killing you now.
I've fallen to temptation for too long,
I must face this lustful yearning and abolish it;
but It's hard to take anything seriously now.
Who cares if anyone dies; people are dying all around as it is.
Heart is like a little glass thing that the Jewish break as they be-wed.
Why do you leave mine cracked instead of breaking it whole?
Leaving me to die by myself,
in crimson stains and swastikas all around me,
is far worse than having what it takes to just kill me.
This is not wine, it's a broken bottle of morals.
Now there's none for either of us.
Who will draw their knives first-
and who will have the least morals to kill the other first?
To you, I am now ready to depart;
are you prepared to depart from me?
You've shot me a million times-
and I've never been able to die from the wounds.
I guess I'm too weak to die-
and I'm too weak to condemn you for your actions.
Pieces,
there are only pieces now.
I will blow your heart to pieces as you've done mine;
and like you, I'll feel no regret.
Author notes
-->Word Bank
*Yearning, regret, faceless, meaningless, insubstantial, oblivious, recollection, temptation, unclean, desperation
-->
*World War 2
-->
*Love
A contest entry
- COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF PROMPTS!! by My Last Breath.x.
810 points, ended June 18, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥ ..The Only Way I'll Smile is if you Cut me Ear to Ear.. ♥ by BrokenHeartsInVain.
434 points, ended July 14, 25 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think? Any title suggestions?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Frickin wow. ._. ... I can't say anything else. I'm sorry, but I can't. That was completely amazing. It FULLY describes emotions that I've felt. Wow. Wow wow wow.
Thank you for entering, (I really mean it) And good luck. ♥! -
while i understand you were following a word bank...
it seems so cliche to me. this reads like a million poems i've read before. there is an essence of you in it, but its more a splash of color on a back and white page. nothing more. i suggest you take time to analyze yourself. write poetry about your physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional self. make it narcissitic or self-hatred, try new faces. poetry is a door that can lead to the soul, and it seems like you're still in the doorway.
A word from the wise, when people try to make poetry sound like poetry, it doesn't. but when they just write what they truly feel, they are admired for it.
you're almost there with that.this is good work but its not quite there yet.
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Thanks for the honest critique.
I agree that this is really cliche. I was trying out a new form that didn't work well for me. I wrote 3 poems with it and stopped.
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How very cliche, however, you did this with your own style, something that most teens can't help but to do. I liked this. Your imagery was great, and your emotions were so strong in this piece. Your word choice was great, even if some of those were given to you
I think you did an amazing job with your prompts. Great job and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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Judge's Verdict.
I think you did an amazing job with all three prompts; especially the word bank. Sometimes when people are faced with that challenged the poem seems forced because it's like they have a set "contract" to meet, and they focus on that instead of what they're writing.
Great job, and good luck in the contest. -
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Thanks.
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