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Jellyfish

It hurts to be human.
your skin crawls and feels like a jellyfish.
your feet hurt after a days work.
nobody seems to get you.
understanding
          demanding
                    intending
                              blending
in.

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • XXXFlipperXXX
    June 17
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    I can definitely see where you're coming from endymion.
    Sometimes you just write whatever particular thing comes into your head.thank you for the comment


  • aeolia
    June 15

    Edit | Reply
    I think the string of gerunds is a bit much (gerunds are verbs ending in "ing"-- so "understanding" through "blending," four in a row, are distracting and the sounds clash and are drawn out... if this makes any sense to you). It's fine to use gerunds, of course, but it defeats the purpose to have four lines consisting entirely of gerunds, you know?

    Also, "a days work" should be "a day's work" since you meant "day" to be possessive.

    It's an interesting idea, but it's not really developed all that well, to be completely honest. Had you utilised form/line breaking more and used more imagery and metaphor to relate more than one too-simple idea, this would have been a lot stronger. Why not elaborate? But it is a decent start.

  • XXXFlipperXXX
    June 10
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for the blunt honesty.
    And you're right anyone above the age of 10 could write that. would they get it would be another question?
    I don't enjoy humorous poems to much...maybe a little humor.sorry for the disappointment....wow i feel like I'm about to be grounded.I don't feature poems to often but when i do.... it has a special meaning to me.

  • montez gold member
    June 9

    Edit | Reply

    Unlike your other...

    ....sycophantic critiquers, I shall be bluntly honest.
    I only clicked because I was intrigued with the title, and I have to admit to being very disappointed.
    Jellyfish would make a great subject for a humourous poem, but your poem wasn't categorised, and rightly so, because it has nothing to do with jellyfish (other than your drawing an untenable analogy), and is fractionally short of moderate IMHO.
    I think anyone above the age of about 10 could have written it.
    Might I humbly suggest that if you're going to feature a poem, you make it one of your best - OR one that you need help with ; this CANNOT fall into either category!
    R.

  • Memo213
    June 7

    Edit | Reply

    10/10

    My first impression was it is a suffering! My favorite lines are "INTENDING BLENDING". Keep up the good work!

  • demonyumian
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    At first I really thought that this poem was going to be about jellyfish. but I like the way you compared jellyfish with the busy-bee human and Jellyfish look all the same and it brings forth the ave. joe emotion of society.


  • BlankCanvas500
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    aww... really good. i was curious about the name of this poem but i get it now. love the form =] a great write =]


  • Junkyard
    June 7
    Edit | Reply
    great write kind poet.."it hurts to be human"....great line...pills help..


  • aanika
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    i agree. being human does hurt. and the pain gets better sometimes. (:

    i like the comparison to the jellyfish. it was very interesting and thought-provoking.

1 - 15 of 15