Moulding my words to meet strange eyes
lines are carefully arranged on paper
Pieces of fantasy that from my mind rise
joyful imageries without disguise
to create a magical world free of anger
Moulding my words to meet strange eyes
to make them laugh in delightful surprise
writing down with care and ever so tender
pieces of fantasy that from my mind rise
My verses don’t need praises or sighs
it’s the laughter that I most treasure
moulding my words to meet strange eyes
But the world in serious thoughts still lies
there’s no smile in hearts that remain bitter
Pieces of fantasy that from my mind rise
to please the readers I must revise
I’ll try again when the world be kinder
moulding my words to meet strange eyes
pieces of fantasy that from my mind rise
Author notes
Flowers have a hard a time to grow between asphalt...
That was my thought after reading Drummond's Elephant
The Elephant
JFTJOI
In a list
A contest entry
- In Formed Opinions by Peteskid.
1800 points, ended June 8, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
-
Thanks for the poem, I admit I read your comment at after the comments which helped put the poem in place, such inspiration enjoyed
-
excellent~
Wow
I checked out the contest after I read your poem
Quite the doozy prompt there..........and you did it excellent I must say..........better than I could of.....
I have yet to do this form....................
WTG sis
Loved it
Hugs
Susan~~~
-
Hoodwinked
Interesting prompt. I thought this make lovely lyrics. I thought about how people write poetry to please others instead of pleasing themselves. You have been hoodwinked because someone cared about you. -
Hood-winked!
Beautiful work on the thoughts and imagery! I love the way this was written, the form is beautiful! (I must learn how to do this!) Such a wonderfully written piece of work!
-
Hood-Winked!
I really liked the way that this flowed so smoothly
I think you have done wonderfully with the form, and I love the words that you used to make the rhymes with - they rolled around on my tongue beautifully well done on a wonderful poem!
Polly
-
Hood-Wink!
Wow; I love the flowed thoughts and imagery on this page - that repeated line is startling and holds my attention each time it is said
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
-
Well this is very nice indeed, some deep thoughts to dwell upon,I like "There's no smile in hearts that remain bitter" seems so true,enjoyed
-
You are one of the few poets on AP who can write in any style and do it this way, Mari. I can only say "yes" to this poem.
~ Nicolette
-
Words of truth for sure. A heart full of bitterness has no room for love, this
is why one my forgive, to make new room for love. We may change our
words to please one but in doing so others will be mispleased. I think
Ricky Nelson said it best in the song Garden Party when he says, "You
can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself."
As long as we like the flower continue to grow "upward" we will be
pleased in the end...
A lovely write my friend
Hugs...Eddy
-
Wow
Mari, this is something different from you... very well written and beautifully executed... don't read too much about elephants, you may start growing a trunk... and every time you will think of an elephant, it will grow more and more like Pinocchio's nose
mina
-
Ah! you so well captured the theme of Drummond's poem while constructing your own creature here, not a look alike a curious distant cousin-creature, but where the family genes are strong! I thought it difficult the idea of putting another poet's theme into a form, but you have done so with seeming effortlessness. I love the change ups here too. Really well done, start to finish!
-
As I read your words
I picture the elephant
on his jaunt, searching
then returning,
empty footed,
but willing to search again.
In your words I always find
that searching, that wondering,
that caressing of a thought,
a tiny curl of a smile,
for you are Mariza...
love and hugs to you,
M-C
-
Oh My Word!
Teach me how to write Beautiful!
This is Precious~ and Love the form
You penned this in~ Bravo!!!
Excellent lines these are:
My verses don’t need praises or sighs
it’s the laughter that I most treasure
Miss You and keep that quill dancing
Woot!
Thank You for sharing Your Talent
Best wishes in the contest
with love & light~ Desire~*~
-
A very interestingly formatted Villanelle. Nicely done and best of luck in the contest.
John
-
Thank you for the link to Drummond's poem, it is a wonderful poetic inspiration, and the idea:
Flowers have a hard a time to grow between asphalt...
is a wonderful opinion, creativity has a side that consists of expectations and intentions, what we wish to do with art; to change, show, inspire...make people think; and the world may fill its time with things that mean so much less and fail to see the things the art wishes to bring...so true. This villanelle has an exceptional quality to bring an idea, and show how people seem to think, or not think...it brings contrasts and similarities; captures images and holds them up to be unmistakable. Remarkable in a finely done form. Thank you for this fine poem...PK
-
So am I part of the asphalt? Oddly enough I always saw myself as a flower, and have railed on it enough in poems you've often chastised me on for their obsessive nature.
I wonder what it is you most want from readers? It's different for us all, and probably not all that simple to explain. You don't want humor, I don't think, you want conviviality. That they approach your writing not with a hard heart or closed mind, but open, ready to smile at your words, for most are not comedy, but most of your writing does re-affirm life...except the evil ones you wrote about me...but those affirmed "IT."
The world is hard, the world is shallow, it's caught up on shams and artificial learning. Since most can grasp, they cling to the belief that something sounds understandable. It would be fine, we're all blissfully ignorant at times, but they then transfer that ignorance to others, and use their false knowledge to judge other forms of writing...rhyming poetry, humor, satire, parody...anything that is outside of their shallow understanding of what poetry is....
Yes, if anyone could understand what I was saying they'd be pissed at me, but they won't, lol
There are always exceptions...those who understand us, our writing, appreciate it...it may be small but it's exclusive and they take joy in reading and trying to understand it, and bring to that writing the light but intelligent heart and mind you require. If you see me as one, yay, if not, you'll find those who you think are.
-
-
What I want...? Hm, not too much of anything and certainly not only one thing (no matter what it may be) I like humour, remember Gaze' silly stuffs?
I don't like stagnancy, the monotone sound of the same key. Variation, creativity and most of all true nature.
But this poem isn't about me per say, it's about the conclusion I made after reading Drummond's poem.
You are one the very few people here on AP who do the best to understand what you read (even when you don't understand at all ) and that is a very rare quality
-
-
I have a theory which is actually a truth (right there you know it bull, lol) If I do not understand a poem, the fault is with the writer!
Everything we write is about us...we can't escape it, even when we talk of Drummond, we're talking about ourselves. We are horribly and inextricably self-interested. lol
Mr. Optimism
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 18 of 18
