+
I followed your fingers
as they traced the curve
of her spine. I think I
hoped to discover the
music your ears cried out
for; a way to blend my
soul into tones of sepia.
instead I found someone
to drown me in silence
+
Author notes
prompt: the birth of cielo by anatuaria
http://anatuaria.deviantart.com/art/The-Birth-of-Cielo-56210498
53/100
A contest entry
- Auditory input malfunction, late night quickie by still.she.waits.
1110 points, ended June 6, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
This is a draft - be as harsh as you like.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
I like your use of description to animate the obvious dissappointment that was felt in this situation. Short, simple, yet just as compelling as if you had taken 20 lines to convey such sentiments. Great job! you prrob already knew it was good though since it looks like you won an award for it~lol
-
thanks for the comment it help ill improve i just started getting into poetry
-
I think I
hoped to discover the
music your ears cried out
for
-i LOVE how you've used 'i think'. it makes it very personal and almost like a thought.
instead I found someone
to drown me in silence
-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
wa
wa
wa
wow.
loving this tremendously. -
Forgot your clappies.
-
This is just wonderfully written.
-
Great job on this. "a way to blend my sould into tones of sepia". That was my favourite line. What astounding imagery Great job and good luck in the contest Polly.
Josh
-
Nice take on the prompt! I love how you associated it with heartbreak, great angle I never thought of I love the imagery you created in this piece! Great work and Good Luck!
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
