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life in full

dear luna,

remember the times when we stepped down from heaven
and walked on the earth as lovers,
with no rushing sky to separate our hands?
your palms were lily-white against my autumn touch,
and I thought how beautiful mortality was.

remember, once, how I reached up
and hurled my heart at the zeniths?
you picked a shard and traced patterns on your arms,
and ichor fell like rain to the pavement.

you submitted to other addictions.
'I want to be beautiful,' you told me.
'what is beauty?' I asked.
you tired of philosophy and turned away.

-

sometimes you starved yourself so much
that a godly hand had to prop your skin with stardust.
you orbited gaia; 'she's so much more lovely,'
and you called me a liar when I replied.

you were jealous of the stars, who had no faces,
and filled you to a fullness you despised.
I thought you were beautiful, a life in full,
but you had an aversion to puns, intentional or otherwise,
and sobbed a few comets into existence.

sometimes you were reborn to the sky,
each time hoping for some change in your genetic makeup;
it never came, because wishes are reserved for those
who know what it is like to die.

-

you loved gaia's spring, but it is always winter in this keen
sky-city. flower pick themselves and throw petals off the clouds;
they land as dreams to give false hope to the multitudes.

we were in love when we stepped down from heaven
and I held your lily-white palm in mine,
and we thought how beautiful mortality was,

but lovers fall harder.





[if they're lucky,
they find a way back up.]




- sol

Author notes

o w l i s h

letter from the sun to the moon. excuse me while I nauseate at this nausea-inspiring poem.

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • libel -
    June 12
    Edit | Reply

    yes


  • heavenbird
    June 11
    Edit | Reply

    yes.

    please wait for the other judges comment.


  • Tinselpool
    June 7

    Edit | Reply

    Just beautiful.

    Your irrefutable talent in poetry leaves me breathless. I hope you continue to write more. I wish to learn from you. I'd recommend that you make another poem: a letter in response from the moon to the sun. Also, in terms for the constructive criticism, I'd include more emotions; how the sun feels about their separation and the times they were together. When you want the reader to fall into a poem like this, you want them to fall deep. Throw in some future hopes of the sun, for example, if he "stretches out a fiery hand" trying to reach her. Feed the poem, like fire, let it grow and glow and dance in people's minds. Make this that one poem they can't forget when they're 82.


  • tuesdae
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    aghh how am I supposed to even PLACE in the contest when you enter amazing poems like this?
    this totally blows my poem out of the water. absolutely stunning.
    i'd write more, but im am completely in awe of your writing.
    o, obi-wan teach me your impressive skills.

  • rendered speechless. absolutely amazing.

    never seen anything better. omg, you make me cry. when your poems are sad, you make me cry, when they're happy, you make me laugh. i must not be a good poet if i can't describe how much i admire you, but you have rendered me completely and utterly speechless. we kids should stick together (as in young people). but you completely knock out the competition in every contest you enter and i'm starting to think that you are some child prodigy. are you SURE u weren't born with this talent??? i love your poetry, it just makes me feel so gooooood!!!

    back to the poem. tell me your secrets. PLEASE!!! because i want to be as amazing as you are. the emotions are amazing, the beauty of the imagery here is astounding.


  • AndNowWhat
    June 6
    Edit | Reply
    you continue to amaze me.

  • Prompt: Write a letter from the sun to the moon

1 - 7 of 7