Gravity becomes so significant
as I turn around to say goodbye.
It pulls me down into a cold pit
where faith was the only answer.
Their smiling faces scribble over
the fact that they're torn apart too.
It's hard to imagine how I even
manage to look into their trusting
eyes, speaking that I'll be back one day.
Every experience cut a jigsaw piece
from my heart, fitting perfectly with
the soul that I gave it to. But love holds
no meaning where honestly was
ignored at the sidelines.
Each hug brought down a weight that
could crush me, my trembling voice
that comforted them were white noise;
a silent scream for them to ask me
to stay a while more.
But the I had to leave.
The chains tied around me
drag across broken pavements,
creating noisy melodies that
whispered for me to come back
A contest entry
- I Don't Move On by Dead Hair.
575 points, ended July 19, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites!!! Come take a look! by CentrifugalCorpse.
1250 points, ended September 7, 223 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
I think "speaking " in the second stanza should be "saying" and "were" om the fourth should be "was". Other than that, great imagery and wording. I think it could have more, then end didn't feel like an ending.
Thanks for entering this piece & best of luck!
-corpse -
"Every experience cut a jigsaw piece from my heart, fitting perfectly with
the soul that I gave it to"
My favorite part
A very well thought out piece with great imagery! However, this could benefit from a quick spell/grammar check.
Well done and good luck!
-
Oh i love the partnwhere it says "Every experience cut a jigsaw piece from my heart, fitting perfectly with
the soul that I gave it to" it hurts to read this.
great work
kmp
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GENIUSNESS!
i love this piece to bits. its definitely one of your best writes. it was different, and you had a unique idea here. your last stanza pretty much sums it all up with flowery words.
love it! this is definitely a winner!
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