“Hollywood Vows” (Satirical Poem)

“Hollywood Vows” (Satirical Poem)

by
Ross Dix-Peek



I promise never to love you,
Nor ever to hold you,

If this so-called “marriage” does last but a week
Believe me,  that shall be quite a feat

I promise never to cherish you
And always to be untrue

For you I shall not care,
For you I cannot bear

Hate and disdain is all I can offer
And vile vanity all I can proffer

I promise only “Mammon” to adore
And for you I shall only but abhor

When life is good and fair
I shall then still be there

But when I black clouds do see
Then do I thee promise to flee

I promise only to remain for life’s “honey”
And to fleece you of all your money

And when your hair and looks do fade
So then shall I thee farewell bade

I promise to often make you cry
And your sad tears ne’er to dry

And if reward my way could come
I promise to murder you, and then some!

I promise to drive you to “suicide”
And for you never to provide

When your figure rotund does become
Then shall I for the hills run


I promise to make your days so very “blue”
And to make our dear children hate you too

I promise never to by your side lay
Unless you remunerate me for time spent, and the day

Comfort you shall never know,
And anguish shall be your only shadow

Worriment and distress shall also your companions be
And I promise, me you shall hardly ever see

So, lets get this damn farce over with, why don’t we!


(This is merely satire and my opinion of Hollywood marriages, and the fact that they do not have a smidgen of a clue as to what “true” marriage is really about, but of course, there are the exceptions…sadly, very few and far between, however!)