A rich fluffy lather,
To cover the Earth
All my mistakes;
Buried
The crystals float,
Inadvertences alloyed,
With salt;
But who's to see?
I have heard that winter's cold
Will give way to summer's warmth
Where the snow will melt;
All my mistakes will lay like an open book
For your prying eyes to devour
& in the midst of my aberrations
I want to turn and run
& bury myself in summer's shadows;
The salt beneath my toes
My salt stains the ground,
Till forgiveness flows,
& the lush summer rains;
Wash it all away
Copyright © Kira 2009
Author notes
I have heard that winter's cold
Will give way to summer's warmth
Line taken from "The Classic Crime- Like Salt in The Snow"
Prompt: Salt In the Snow
I used "My salt" as in My mistakes
Thanks for reading
A contest entry
- Salt in the Snow (The Classic Crime) by Ayven.
500 points, ended July 30, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Drink your inspiration like water from a well. by Forgotten Anomaly.
550 points, ended August 30, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
<3?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This is really rather good. I like the imagery and contrary to below comments I thought it was rather original and easy to read. It didn't seem wordy or choppy or anything like that. We all bury are crimes, our sins, until something comes to dig them up and shove them in our faces. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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I disagree. I actually thought this was very original. I liked it a lot,
specifically the first two stanzas, and the last, i'm looking forward to reading more by you. -
This one's not my favourite for some reason. I'm not real sure.... Too long? Too wordy? Clichéd images? I stumbled a bit over 'winter's cold' and 'summer's warmth.' The last stanza is my favourite and I do like how you've used some longer words.
Thanks for entering my contest!
DancingRed.
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Applause....
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The overall poem is very good and does a good job of pulling you in. Your use of vocab was splendid and the feel that each word gave the poem had the impression of being thought out and planned for a specific purpose, which hieghtened my interest as a reader.
This poem has a feeling of maturity in its writing.
Thank you for entering,
~Ayven -
I enjoyed this piece emensly.The emotion came through with strength and in a beautiful way. I felt this poem rather than read it. Thank you for this amazing write!
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i loved it,
it was beautifully written with great emotion.
i felt a VERY strong connection to the poem.
well done on a great write.
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Salt can render the land infertile. But as it dissolves in water and rises into the air, it collects tiny crystals of ice, which fall as snow. And so snow cleanses the earth. So perhaps you use this as a metaphor, your mistakes which at first render life barren with no chance to move on, now slowly disappearing.
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I like the first stanza the best. It's really well written. And the part where you use the word "alloyed" is pretty cool too.
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This is a really great poem. Loved this part:
"I have heard that winter's cold
Will give way to summer's warmth
Where the snow will melt;
All my mistakes will lay like an open book
For your prying eyes to devour"
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very nice description and very nice flow. love the imagery and i love the emotion in this. i really like it great job!!
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Amazing.
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Woaw amasing I love the description in this write its so pretty
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Very good, you've used the prompt for this poem splendidly in this emotion filled piece
Good luck in the contest
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