Euthanasia

You stand,
burnished copper in the afternoon sun
of this September day.

Your proud head is lifted high,
the breeze blows your mane back
from your warm, silken neck.

Your eyes, so large and luminous
look to another far off horizon,
one I cannot see.

and then for a moment,
you lower your soft muzzle to my hand,
lip my fingers and nicker at me.

Are you searching for a treat?
or the rub between the your eyes
you and I both enjoy so much?

You are so beautiful,
the epitome
of classic Arabian grace.

I have known you since you were born,
your little foal face and long legs,
your neck arched and tail lifted.

You have pranced and cantered,
and carried me on your back,
not nearly enough miles.

You are only five,
still so many years left,
so many miles for us.

But no, not for us,
Today, who knows how,
your leg is broken.

I watched you run,
blowing off steam,
cantering proudly, and then....

You missed a step,
pulled up lame,
and limped to me.

I could see the confusion in your eyes,
the pain as you tried to walk on three legs,
and the trembling of your muscles at the effort.

Tears falling and disbelief flooding my brain,
I tried to help you to your paddock.
Finally we got there.

You stand, looking at me,
looking at your leg,
and I frozen in place.

Walked in the barn,
got pain meds for you,
to ease your pain.

On my cell phone,
called the vet,
he is on his way.

I long for and dread the arrival of his truck,
he is my salvation,
my damnation.

My mind screams to me,
this can't be happening,
but here we are.

On this warm September afternoon,
I will give you the only gift I can,
the release you deserve.

I would not keep you here with me,
not broken and in pain,
I love you too much for that.

So I watch our vet,
I see in his eyes,
the sympathy he feels, but is much to kind to express.

For he knows I will break
if hi is too gentle with me now,
knows his strength is needed more than kind words.

So quietly we stand, you and I,
and he,
in the warm September sun.

The medicine is ready,
I am not,
nevertheless the moment is here. 

The moment of goodbye comes suddenly,
the light fades from your eyes,
you fold your knees and lie down.

The vet checks for your heartbeat,
there is none.
You are gone.

I stand here, tears falling down my face.
You my beautiful boy are gone,
lying still on warm grass, beneath the warm September sun.