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Wicked Black Vine

I sit alone exploring my mind,
a dark scary place void of all time.
empty thoughts of despair, misery, and menace,
wishing my life would finally be finished.
Hurt and pain, all that I see,
but thats just me a great visionary.
So how long will this last, this sorrow of mine,
strangling my soul like a wicked black vine.
Creeping its way up into my heart,
Slicing, tearing, and ripping apart.

David

Author notes

qwerty?

A contest entry

i am a new poet please tell me what you think of my poems

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Blue-Rose Beauty gold member
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. That was dark and delightful.

    Favorite lines: I sit alone exploring my mind,
    a dark scary place void of all time.

    I loved those lines.

    Overall grade: 8/10

    Thanks for entering


  • nobodys-girl
    July 2

    Edit | Reply
    wow... this is so dark and yet so amazing at the same time. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!


  • Mr.
    June 29
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing poem


  • ladybug.
    June 24
    Edit | Reply
    I love the slight imagery & the emotion put into this. Thank you very much for sharing ♥


  • Dragonbabyx3
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderfually dark and slightly depressing. The rhyme you used is perfect. Although, it could use some breaks inbetween, to give the reader a break. Other than that, this is a good piece. Thankyou for entering my contest, and Good Luck!


  • Dryad Enya
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely write here, its deep and holds a dark firey passion that i admire. You have done a super job on this and thnks for putting "qwerty" in the AN!

    Best of luck,
    Ecki


  • Ms-Mouse
    June 23
    Edit | Reply
    I think it has great prospects and once you sort the lumps out, will win a few competitions.


  • Lively Matter
    June 23

    Edit | Reply
    Oh that is so cool! The way you put these words together, and the flow, truly awesome! You might consider changing A to the in the sixth line, everytime i read it aloud 'a' makes me hesitate, But it's so good! Bravo dude bravo!


  • Hannah Carr
    June 9

    Edit | Reply
    Very good. I love these lines

    So how long will this last, this sorrow of mine,
    strangling my soul like a wicked black vine.
    Creeping its way up into my heart,
    Slicing, tearing, and ripping apart.

    Thanks for entering


  • grammabuff
    June 4

    Edit | Reply
    Title: Wicked Black Vine. Unusual, will pull your reader in and adds emphasis to the ending.

    Take a closer look ar your punctuation, When do you want to stop your reader with a period and line break? When to you want to draw them into the nest line or thought. Line breaks, in themselves, are a break - adding a period makes it a very hard break.

    Advice to any poet, old or new: read, write, read,write, read, write...


  • ajocean silver member
    June 4
    Edit | Reply
    great piece thanks a million for sharing


    • daddydave81
      June 4
      Edit | Reply

      thank you

      thanks very much this one is yet unfinished,,, but since I am a new poet and dont know if I am really any good I decided to post it for some feedback... thanks


  • arafura gold member
    June 3
    Edit | Reply
    Well done. Keep writing friend!

1 - 13 of 13